My mother-in-law has a strong personality. She makes most of the decisions in the household, leaving my father-in-law with not much say around the house. His voice is often silenced, as sometimes he can't even answer a question when we ask him about his health without his wife speaking on his behalf.

I also see my mother-in-law feeling prideful when she diminishes his dignity. She imposes a lot of food restrictions on him because of his health issues. When he wants to indulge in a food that is on her "restriction list," she tells us proudly, that "he had to beg me to buy it for him."

I was furious when I heard that, but I didn't want to disrespect her in front of everyone. I didn't respond to her comment and changed the subject. Should I have said something?

Justice for FIL

Talk to your partner, the child of these people. Ask them if they see what you see, if they’re aware of what you’re seeing and hearing. They may be so used to it that they don’t recognize it anymore. Or their focus is on a different aspect of the relationship that they don’t notice what’s happening.

Whether they’ve taken notice or not, discuss with them if you could speak up on your father-in-law’s behalf. It’s important that your partner is on board. I don’t think you want to break up your own marriage over this. Perhaps your partner would prefer to speak to their father first, in private. Maybe he loves his wife just the way she is and doesn’t want you to rock the boat.

Who knows? But I strongly suggest you speak with your partner before barging in on this relationship – even though your intention is caring and protective (of your father-in-law).

My husband and I read your column daily and respect the advice you have given others. We now find that we need your help.

Last Christmas, we gave our three adult children several thousand dollars each as a gift. We received heartfelt sincere thank yous from two of them. The third sent us a text. We are still very upset with their lack of gratitude. How do we handle this, or should we just try and forget about it?

Disappointed parents

Interesting question because depending on who you ask, you’re going to get very different responses. I am, by nature, a person who doesn’t let things slide. If someone has upset me, I want to discuss it and get past it by going through it. However, I have learned to stop and take a breath. I have learned that even though that’s how I WANT to proceed, it may not be the best approach with the person in question, and it may not get me the result I seek.

So, ask yourselves some questions: is this adult child embarrassed by this gift? Obviously, that wasn’t your intent, but could that be an issue? Is this adult child ungrateful in general? Are they bogged down in other areas of their life that they can’t even make space for gratitude?

With a little honesty and insight, you should be able to get a better handle on your offspring. If their text was just rude and dismissive, you can choose not to gift them again. If they wonder why, you can say something. Or, you can say that you’re disappointed with their response and would like to know why they were less than grateful.

Keep your end goal in mind and work backwards from there. Only you will know the best route to take.

FEEDBACK Regarding Miss pronounced (Jan. 6):

Reader – “Unfortunately, even though we live in a multi-cultural society, some people really don’t care.  I’m not one of those people.  Whenever I meet people with ethnic names, I ALWAYS ask them how to pronounce it correctly.  I often ask if there’s meaning to their name, as well. They’re usually appreciative that I even made the effort.

“I would hate to mess up someone’s name.  I feel that it’s part of their identity and not even trying is disrespectful. If someone of my ethnicity makes a comment, I always ask how they would feel if I continually mispronounced THEIR name. That usually gets the point across.

By the way, even standard North American names can get mispronounced or misspelled.  My response is always ‘just to make sure my name is spelled correctly on the cheques.’

Lisi – This post hits the mark: https://www.instagram.com/p/DM6fNvpNNvV/