I'm 23 and my first and only long-term boyfriend emotionally cheated on me. He initially lied that she was just a friend and married.

I learned this just before he left for school abroad, so I ended it. He told me she didn't mean anything and he was just confused. While he was away, we'd still talk even though I said it was over.

He became depressed and tried to win me back. But I was angry and hurt. Then I began talking about working things out, as he was coming home for the holidays. Suddenly, it was he treating me horribly and I chasing after him.

I became distraught. He admitted he was purposely rejecting my advances because he'd been hurting while away. I also discovered his sexual messages and pictures with another girl back home, with the intention of hooking up.

He said he wasn't actually going to see her and it didn't mean anything. We decided we'd still meet up to discuss everything.

When he landed, he never contacted me. I contacted him repeatedly until he finally responded coldly and so I ended it again. I haven't heard from him since. He's going back to school abroad. He's disrespected me on so many levels. But we had plans and a future together and it's so hard to let go.

Unfinished.

Too much drama. Let go. You were right to break it off before he went away. His attempt to get back long-distance reflected his loneliness, not a serious effort. He'd already lied once, so you needed to show you wouldn't be played again.

He'd have to contact you and be ready to discuss things and work at the relationship before you'd reconsider. That's how you show you accept nothing less than respect. And that's how you should handle any next relationship. This one's a bust.

My parents are in their 80's and, although loving, have been both overprotective and controlling with their children. A sibling who's previously made poor financial decisions accepted help from them years ago with the joint purchase of a home and has been paying "rent" with the hope of eventually owning.

This sibling's now able to get a mortgage and buy them out but doesn't want to pay interest for the first time while deeply resenting being in debt to our parents. Their relationship is deeply damaged and he/she is becoming abusive.

But my parents are reluctant to relinquish financial control because they fear for this "child's" (age 50) future.

I think they should back away if the relationship is to survive. What do you think?

Unsure

First - back off, for your own peace of mind, back off. This is your parents' and sibling's story, not yours. Their dynamic has been one of mutual control - the Bad child and the Rescuers, and by this age they're all locked into the unhealthy pattern.

Next - look realistically at the co-dependency here. Your sibling somehow thinks he/she should be able to borrow without paying interest... that's pure self-interest! And your parents still think they can "teach" a 50-year-old new tricks by holding the purse strings.

Neither is likely to change, and only time will bring this to a conclusion, in Nature's way. You can express what you think, but don't expect compliance, or even thanks. Meanwhile, some day you and this sibling will deal with the fallout from their relationship, so it'd be wise to make sure your parents have a clear will.

FEEDBACK Regarding the mother whose daughter and son-in-law spent Christmas and Easter holidays with his family in the south (Jan. 4):

Reader - "I too was a daughter whose in-laws holidayed in Florida over Christmas. My fiancé would go down for Christmas and I'd stay home with my family.

"Shortly before our wedding, I made it clear to my family that I wasn't going to spend my first married Christmas away from my husband, and that we would spend that first Christmas in Florida.

"I also made it clear to my fiancé that I expected the same consideration from him and that the second Christmas would be spent with my family in the "north."

"It worked out well on both sides, and was clearly defined from the beginning, with both my new husband and I standing together as a family and showing that neither was more important than the other."