My boyfriend of ten years and I are late-20's.
He's rigid, likes things "his way," and expects perfection from everyone. If I put his socks away in the wrong drawer, I get a lecture.

He feels that anything I've done wrong is because I "don't pay attention to details."
I'm very easy-going and, yes, often miss details and end up doing a task twice. I'm a scatterbrain, I suppose.
I started a business this year and have been unable to contribute to household expenses. Even though my not making money for several years was discussed ahead, he's taking it hard. The last six months have been hell.
Our latest argument was over my inability to understand the cable company's contract... I'd received some wrong information from the company, who refuses to reverse a $30 charge.

When we met, I had no idea what life was like. He taught me the skills I need to succeed in life. They were tough lessons (screaming at me, constant lectures, belittling me) but it was also frustrating for him.

I lost confidence in myself. Yet we've had some really good years together. He can be caring, sweet, and thoughtful. He doesn't play video games, nor watch sports. He's not into the bar scene and would never cheat.
I'm not the greatest girlfriend. I can't fight fair - I just run away or curl into a ball of self-pity. I also don't communicate very well. I say I'll try harder and do better - but within weeks I forget and get sloppy again.
I love this man and my heart tells me to stay and work it out. But my head says I'm foolish for staying with someone who makes me feel inferior.
I'd like counselling, but a) he refuses to join me and b) I haven't the resources to go. If we were to split up now, it'd be a big change, and a very difficult financial and emotional transition for me.
I also adore his family. Is this worth working on? He constantly says that he loves me and thinks I'm beautiful. He provides attention and is still attracted to me. I just frustrate the heck outta' him.
Conflicted

You had me uncertain, too, until you mentioned mutually enduring love and your appreciation for how much he's contributed to your life. That makes all effort worthwhile. It starts with YOU putting a stop to being the "Scatterbrain" Child in the relationship and keeping your partner in the role of Strict Teacher.

That dynamic has outlived its purpose! Yes, he overreacts at your mistakes. Example: Many people have sometimes misunderstood those complicated cable company contracts. But if you're old enough to run a business, it's time to grow up and yes, pay attention to details. You've handed that job over to him from the start, and it's become unhealthy.

Counselling can help, and he may be willing to LOAN you the money for therapy if it means staying together. But you need to write him a promissory note to repay him when you can. That's the beginning of taking responsibility for yourself, which is a large part of what this relationship needs. The therapist will help you probe why you hide behind this so-called "easy-going" persona, in order to avoid taking charge of your own life (fear of failure? Find the root of this or whatever other cause).

Give yourself - and him - another year to work on how you carry forward as a couple.

FEEDBACK Regarding the person embarrassed over sleeping problems and being unusually overtired (Jan. 7):
Reader - "I'm a physician who strongly suggests the person be checked out for sleep apnea, by asking their family doctor to refer them for a sleep study.

"Those are classic signs - you feel you're sleeping well, but in reality your sleep's being disturbed by the apnea (breathing issues). I felt that way for years, got diagnosed, and now have a normal sleep life (and used a special machine).
"If the writer lives in Ontario, Canada, the entire sleep study is covered by OHIP health insurance and if a machine is necessary, the government subsidizes most or all of the cost of the machine."

Thanks. I also repeat my advice for all health changes from a person's norm: "Every adult needs to be pro-active about his or her own health," which means, get to a doctor.