From day #1 of our marriage, she confessed she’d rushed into the relationship; I try to be understanding and gave her a chance to exit but she decided to stay. Similar feelings come to her periodically, and she becomes very upset and regretful. 

She never looks forward to sex. Not sure whether some women don’t like sex altogether, or whether it has to do with her feelings towards me.

Also, she’s not an open person.

- Confused Husband

Healthy women like sex. Those who don’t, have other “issues” that keep them distant, specifically turn them off, or cause them to unfairly use sex as a power tool. 

Your wife is even more confused than you are. She may well be a closed, negative person who’s never sure when she can allow herself to be happy – likely stemming from things in her past which have little to do with you.

This union probably won’t last – and shouldn’t, if you don’t get professional guidance so that each of you gets heard, understood, and agrees to work together at it.

My ex and I had an on/off relationship for 7 years. We shared deep love, riddled with personal demons. He sunk into substance abuse; I left. 

A year later, we hooked up again, and the short honeymoon stage was beautiful. I became pregnant and his downward spiral surfaced. He abandoned me, denied the child was his, and refused to speak to his family.

My daughter is 18-months-old, his mother and sister have been involved with her, while he’s met her five times.

He recently said he’s been clean for six months, and is in a relationship. When he first visited, I smelled alcohol.

I shocked myself, realizing I still loved him; he admitted he felt the same. I told him to stay away from us until he’s in a recovery program. He said he wants to marry me, but cannot leave his girlfriend if our reunion isn’t a sure thing.

I know I need counselling but have no time outside of work and mothering.

- Torn

Reality Check: 1) Your ex is, unfortunately, a weak man who needs to lean on someone and/or the crutch of an addictive substance. 

2) Your history together is already checkered with failures and escapes, a pattern he can easily fall back on. This is especially likely, if you take him back before he’s confronted ALL his demons – addiction, family strife, running from responsibility, etc. Your child needs a stable life, and can have one even with her father’s visits, so long as you’re strong and steady as her main influence.

No time for counselling? My bet is that you’ll eventually spend a lot of time feeling sorry that you didn’t address whatever motivates your response to this man, who’s disappointed you severely. And that you’ll bring similar responses to your next relationship, unless you invest the time to understand yourself.

Whenever my husband’s family gathers, his ex-wife’s invited by the in-laws, even to out-of-town events like weddings, funerals, even barbeques. I’m not going to attend any more. 

My husband always acknowledges me, but his family spends a lot of time with his ex-wife and practically ignores me.

- In-law Woes

Your in-laws are insensitive, and possibly even saboteurs. Hubby has to put his foot down about his ex being invited unnecessarily – e.g. barbeques; however, funerals are different, if she knew the departed or relatives well. 

To be effective, Hubby has to boycott some events, to show his full support for you.

I’m in my 50’s, divorced; I sought out someone I’d dated in my 20’s. Luckily, he was available. After three dates, he decided to see someone he’d dated when he was first divorced. I was crushed. 

I’ve now been dating a, wonderful man for two years. Yet, every day I still feel melancholy about having missed a relationship again with my old flame.

I would appreciate your thoughts please, and those of others who’ve experienced similar situations.

- Still Care

Dear Readers: Share your stories can be helpful to many. I’ll publish a selection (brief, please), soon.

My take: Rejection is especially painful when you’re vulnerable. You’d put yourself on the line to reach this guy. He was NOT available; he was “shopping,” while deciding to commit to another (he, too, was about to bare his soul, and not taking your reunion seriously).

Mating is often about timing, and it was off for you two.