My little sister is not a morning person. It’s not my problem until it’s my problem and this year, for the first time, we’re on the same school bus. She’s late every morning! It stresses me out. I hate starting my day fighting with her and stressed.

Why can’t she just get to the bus on time?

Frustrated

I’m sorry to hear the situation you’re in because it’s a tough one. I can give you my advice, but the bottom line is that you can’t control other people’s behaviour. The only thing you can do is control how you react.

From your longer letter I understand that you try to get her to leave with you, but she’s never ready, so you go on ahead. That’s good. You’re not responsible for her.

However, the bus driver expects you to pull your sister along and you feel guilty. You need to speak to the bus driver and explain that, as much as you hate to leave your sister behind, if she’s going to be late that’s not on you.

And then tell your sister that if the bus driver chooses to leave without her, she can’t get upset.

I don’t envy you your position.

FEEDBACK Regarding the man who is upset that one guy doesn’t always show up (Aug. 29):

Reader – “I actually find this guy a self-centred SOB.  I totally agree with both parts of the answer: ‘Why does it bother you?’ and ‘have you tried talking to him?’

“Has the writer ever thought that maybe he may just be too nosy and it’s actually him the guy wants to avoid?  Of course, I would not think the other guys would actually say anything either.

“Who knows what is going on in this person’s life?  Anyway, it’s really none of the writer’s business.”

My sister-in-law just had a massive hissy fit on my mom and I don’t know how to respond. I’m so angry with her for dumping on my mom, especially because she’s not angry at my mom. She’s angry at me, my two sisters and our husbands.

She’s not wrong. It’s hard to be the only sister-in-law in a family of three sisters. And hers is the hardest position because our brother is the youngest and grew up with all of our husbands as his big brothers. She’s fairly new on the scene, very different from the rest of us, and uninterested in melding in with our already tight family.

But my mom, who adores her only son, has always welcomed this woman with open arms and an open heart, only to be ignored, forgotten and excluded. If anything, my mom should be angry with her. But she’s not.

So what gives this woman the right to unleash on my elderly mother?

Angry In-law

You have every right to be upset with your sister-in-law for unleashing on your mother. That sounds uncalled for. However, you recognize that she’s being mistreated by the rest of the “gang’ and is clearly frustrated.

I suggest you make peace. Find an excuse to take her out for lunch. If you think she can handle being with you and another sister, ask the one that’s more easy-going and kinder. She won’t accept the invite if she thinks she’s being ambushed. Have fun, enjoy each other’s company, and acknowledge that you know it’s difficult to be in her position and that you hope you haven’t made it harder. Try to have an open dialogue.

The goal is to make her feel less frustrated and more welcome. And to get her to apologize to your mother.

My son needs new running shoes. He’s starting high school and has grown a full size this summer. I’m happy to buy him a new pair.

Here’s the problem: he wants a pair of Yeezy’s. They’re Adidas, but range from $150 to $1,500. My son wants a pair in the $400 range.

I get that he wants to have cool shoes, but his feet are still growing. I don’t think it’s worth it to buy him these expensive shoes to wear for a month. Two, if I’m lucky.

How do I maintain my cool dad status but say no to this overindulgent purchase?

Growing Pains

Just. Say. No.

Easier said than done, I know. I agree with your thought process. Lots of people won’t. That’s why high-end baby clothes exist.

Make him a deal. His feet will stop growing soon enough and when they stay the same size for (your chosen time period) you’ll get him the shoes he wants.