My sister-in-law and I haven’t spoken for 10 months. I’ve sometimes added fuel to the fire of our not getting along over the years.
My husband and I were expecting a baby, after 15 years. I’d told my family that we wouldn’t be calling anyone but our parents and we wanted no visitors for the first week. We called all siblings the day after the birth.
Five days later my SIL saw me in a store and said, “We sure were hurt that you didn't call us.”
I soon invited them and their family over. They didn’t call back. I sent my adopted daughter, 8, to their door with a birth announcement. She was pushed out of the house by my SIL. I left a message that I love my brother and his kids and they’ll always be welcome in my home, but his wife is no longer welcome.
I’m not going to suck it up this time like every other time. All I want is for my brother and me to have a relationship. Yet I think there should be some neutral ground so that the children can be cousins.
- Family Dispute

People rarely get to choose only the parts of a relationship they’re willing to have. Love your brother but can’t tolerate his wife? Maintain an in-law chill but hope the kids can still play together? You’re dreaming.
But YOU still have the ability to make an adult choice. Your SIL isn’t perfect and you’re admittedly not either. If you truly want family harmony, invite your brother’s family over again, with a handwritten note to his wife, followed by a phone call, saying you’d like to try to forget past differences, and apologize for your own part in what’s gone wrong.
She may not trust you enough to respond in kind, but at least you’d have made the right gesture.

My common-law-husband of eight years and I have a daughter, age 6. I was unfaithful two years ago and my conscience forced me to confess. He called me a bad, dirty woman. He also said it was no wonder I betrayed him because, when we got into our relationship, I was still married. But I’d never lived with that husband because I’d flown to another country for work.
My partner gave me a chance that we’ll forget what I’ve done for our child’s sake. Also, when I go back home to him for vacation next month, he said I must get pregnant. He and our child live in Thailand; after visiting, I’ll return here for work as a live-in caregiver.
Should I accept this chance he’s giving me, though I’m not happy anymore to live with him?
- So Confused

I understand that you’re living on your own and working hard to make money for a better life. Yet, if the affection between you and this man is gone, and if he’s trying to control you through making you pregnant again, there’s a strong need to re-think ALL your choices.
Inquire about finding a professional counsellor through your caregiver community and ask for help with the larger decision of how to plan your future and protect your existing child.
You can stall the demand for pregnancy by telling your partner that you won’t be able to work as long and send money home. As for the whether you stay with him later, take time to decide. He may be overreacting now, because he’s hurt that you betrayed him. But if his demands get oppressive, carefully make other, safe plans.

I was married for 15 years to a man filled with rage; after individual and couples therapy, an intensive weekend couples’ retreat, and marriage enhancement meetings, I realized he’d never change.
I believe that men like him, regardless of their pain and past trauma, are making a choice to victimize others (note: they don’t generally act out their rage on large men).
I’ve learned that “love” is a verb – if people don’t act in loving ways, it isn’t love. I somehow mustered the strength to get out of that marriage 2 years ago.
I later reconnected with an old flame from school who treats me like gold. I don’t have to fear his reactions, defer to his opinions, choose my words carefully or manage his ego when we go somewhere. I’ll never worry about being insulted, sworn at or diminished again.  
- Free at Last

Thanks, you’ve said it all yourself.