My married stepdaughter, 31, is a proud snob. She enjoys her wine, beer and coffee yet always puts down our taste in any of her preferences in alcohol and coffee.
This past Christmas we had my grandson, her husband, and his two children at our cabin. She had the audacity to insult her sister about the beer and wine she bought. This wasn’t the first time.
She lies and exaggerates about almost anything related to materialistic things. I’m not happy with her behaviour.
Her stepfather and natural mother raised her and their behaviour is the same.
Yes, rude, snobbish behaviour is hard to take, especially from someone you’re hosting at your home.
However, you already know what she’s like, and what to expect in her company. Since she’s apparently your partner’s daughter, such incidents are likely to be repeated periodically.
Knowing this, approach things differently. If she’s invited over, tell her that everyone’s bringing something and ask her to be the one to choose the wine, beer, and coffee.
If that costs more than others are contributing, ask her to bring what she’ll be drinking, and assign someone else to bring the rest at whatever price they choose.
I understand that your disgust with her materialism goes beyond wine-snobbery… but that’s who she is, and how she was raised. It’s unlikely you’re going to change her.
Her comments aren’t even about you, anyway… they stem from her own insecurities pushing a need to be one-up on everyone else.
You can change your reaction in small but meaningful ways: When she goes over the top with her pronouncements, just smile, change the subject or get busy doing something else.
It’ll gently demonstrate that you’re unimpressed by her fascination with high-end goods.
Meanwhile, you’re supporting the reality that she IS your stepdaughter by inviting her, which allows you and your partner to enjoy your grandchild, which matters more.
I understand that hairdressers have a hard job but I have a complaint: They seem to assume that everybody loves talking about their personal lives, but sometimes their questions are inappropriate and intrusive.
I wish they’d raise a subject in a general way to see if their customer wants to pursue it, instead of asking pointed questions.
Take the holidays as example – for some, this is a very sensitive and depressing subject. It’s embarrassing to be probed relentlessly about their plans.
New customers might feel uncomfortable discussing their personal life with strangers. Also, they might consider how appropriate their stock questions are for an older person, e.g. what they’re doing on the weekend. Next time, I’m going to say, “Enough about me” to the first question and hope they get the hint.
Sorry, I’m on the side of the hairdressers, the majority of whom work very hard over long hours, and many have to pay their salon owner a high percentage for the use of their chair.
Most make conversation to put the client at ease and try to provide a satisfying experience for them.
Instead of complaining, set the tone you want from the start, the minute you sit in the hairdresser’s chair, by being honest but pleasant. Example: “Hello, I’m feeling tired today so will use this as my quiet time. Here’s how I like my hair done.”
Don’t blame the hairdresser, if you don’t know how to speak up. Also, if the person assigned to you is a committed chatterer, vote with your feet and choose another.
Reader’s Commentary Regarding the woman whose boyfriend only told her of his sister’s wedding the night before the event:
“Surely, during their six-year relationship, this woman and her boyfriend would’ve learned that the other couple were getting married.
“I believe that the letter-writer needs to rethink her future marriage, because if the brother’s wedding wasn’t discussed, the couple have a communication problem.
“To me, it means that this man is secretive and controlling. If he holds this information back, what else would he not mention – if not deliberately, but because, any chitchat isn’t his way. Would they ever discuss anything of importance to each other?
“I’m a grandfather with my own family experiences. I know everything that’s important; we communicate regularly, even with relatives in Australia.
“To me, this boyfriend is a dud. While she wonders if she should cut ties with this couple, she should cut ties with her six-year uncommunicative boyfriend.”
Tip of the day:
Snobbery and materialism are often fallback attitudes of those who are insecure.