We met online, he’s younger so I thought we’d just be friends.
We met twice for a drink or coffee. On the third date, he kissed me. It was electric!
He has lots of baggage - young adult kids still in school, an aging parent.
But I was happy to get together once or twice a week. After three months, he just stopped texting.
A month later, there were two meetings then he was gone again.
We re-connected after another month for over a year, but only at my house or out somewhere. I thought it was because his kids are loyal to their mother.
Now I think he was trying to reconcile with her. I’m done, it's his third strike, that's my rule.
But the sex and conversations were great. I can't get him out of my head.
I've joined social groups, a gym, and am trying so hard to move on.
Say a thank-you to yourself for knowing how to count strikes and what OUT means.
He was using you as “backup,” and probably involved with others too in the same way.
But his goal was either winning back his ex… or still staying married to her throughout his dating episodes.
Never at his house? That’s a serious red flag.
Trust me, your heart would be far more “broken” (it’s wounded but will heal) if you hung in and he continued his unexplained absences, distancing, then reappearances expecting you to jump for joy.
Yes, sex and conversation can be great with a practiced charmer who remains unknowable, and comes and goes at will.
You’re wise to have moved on. Believe it.
I have a crush on my "friend." I’ve known him since the second grade.
He flirts with me all the time and is always there for me when I have problems.
Once, when we were walking home after school, I asked him how you get someone to like you. He said it's simple - make him jealous.
Then he looked at the ground and asked who I liked, but I had to leave by then and he never asked again.
Two weeks later he told me he liked my friend and they ended up dating…… BUT HE STILL FLIRTS WITH ME.
Is this some sort of mind trick to make me jealous? What do I do?
It’s natural that you’re confused, since you and this guy are both young and inexperienced. That’s why you were uncertain about how to handle a crush or tell him that you like him when you were unsure how he feels.
Meanwhile, he’s dating someone, so his flirting with you shows that he too doesn’t know how to draw the line – either he does like someone else or he’s trying to make you jealous… OR, he’s flirting because that’s his go-to style of friendship with the opposite sex.
You have the ability to speak up. Say that if he’s dating someone, flirting with you is unfair to her. Also, you have the choice to not flirt back.
BUT, you also call him a friend who helps you when you have problems. If that’s an important connection you don’t want to lose, just accept that he likes someone else.
Being young means it’s very likely things will change soon enough. You’ll both like other people, have other crushes.
If this friendship is real and strong, that’s worth preserving by not stressing on the current situation and acting natural with him.
FEEDBACK Regarding the brother taking advantage of parents (Jan. 28):
Reader - “The “brother,” 40, is a user. He has his admitted problems, some self-inflicted. But he’s learned to use his parents over his entire life.
“He won’t change until an event forces it to happen.
I had an older brother who treated my parents in the same manner.
“The son puts continued pressure on the parents, especially financially.
“In our case, I was forced to advise my parents not to give any of us siblings any more money, as it was better for my brother’s family to go bankrupt than my parents and him.
“Also, my other siblings and myself had an equal right to my parent’s estate. By one sibling diminishing it himself, it created animosity and resentment between the siblings, which would irreparably destroy their relationship.
“There’s little hope here that the sister and brother relationship will last, whether or not an intervention works.”
Tip of the day:
Someone who’s periodically gone from a relationship without explanation, has someone else waiting.