I’ve been married twice, each time with long tries at making it work.
My first husband, whom I married at 19, was a good, kind person. But besides the desire to get on with what we thought was adult “freedom,” we had nothing in common other than two babies within two years.
So, I went back to school, got a degree, started a career, and stayed married, raising two children with him and the help of a wonderful nanny.
When the kids were in middle school, we divorced but co-parented comfortably. He remarried within a year.
My second marriage a few years later, lasted eight years and had highlights of mutual success in our work lives, and money to live well and provide the kids with very good educations.
But my husband wasn’t a family man, preferred work events and night life, and other women who were free to party with him.
I didn’t divorce him until the kids (including his) were all moving toward young adulthood.
Now, here I am at 43, successful in one realm, but not in finding a lasting relationship.
I met a man six months ago who’s wonderful with my children and very close to his. He’s had good jobs and was a partner in a successful business, so we have commonalities that way. But he’s not driven like my second husband, nor lacking in wider interests like my first one.
He’s ten years older than me, reads widely, can discuss world events as well as theatre and art.
He says he’s in love with me for life. Should I seriously risk another marriage?
Third-Time-Out or Lucky?
Think of it this way: Would you ask me if you should “seriously risk” your life? Of course not!
Whatever you’d be facing, you’d know that (barring dire circumstances) you should keep living, because things can change for the better. Hope is better than giving up.
Still, in a relationship, you need to keep that hope alive by learning from experiences from the past, and solid professional advice in the present, if and when necessary.
I said “relationship,” not marriage. Not yet. Date this man, live with him, grow a strong bond that has allowances for some differences, and can withstand some stresses.
You’ll know in time when and if you two should marry.
I’m a man, aged 76, whose wife of 45 years passed away four years ago.
Two months ago, I bumped into a woman with whom my late-wife and I had a nodding acquaintance with her and her late-husband. We had a coffee together, then several dinners, and now, an almost daily walk.
We’re both surprised and delighted by the easy companionship… and the attraction.
We always hug hello and goodbye.
We know we’re not the first elderly-and-widowed who want to have that closeness and intimacy with someone again.
What’s your take on how likely it is that, once the relief of not being alone wears off, we’ll not be able to get past old ways and old memories?
Seniors in Love Again
My take here isn’t dissimilar to my response above. Live your life. And how lucky to feel that you’ve found love again!
Given the longevity of healthy seniors, and the huge demographic of older baby boomers, you two certainly aren’t the only late-life lovers. I’ve heard from people a decade older than you involved in romantic relationships or at least very companionable unions.
Respect/honour each other’s memories, and those of children and grandchildren.
FEEDBACK Regarding the “close friend” who was blocked from phone/social media etc. for taking a landscape photo in which the other woman was dimly seen in a corner (February 28):
Reader – “The photo did finish that friendship! The woman who took the picture put it on social media, the boyfriend saw it, which caused an argument between the couple.
“He probably makes her have anxiety due to a controlling nature.
“The photo shows that his girlfriend wasn’t doing what he probably wanted her to do.
“The friend should’ve asked permission to post the photo or crop out the woman so it’s just the landscape.”
Ellie - The friend showed her photo to the other woman but there’s no mention that she sent it to social media.
But this woman in the picture certainly transferred her anxieties about her boyfriend to the photographer. Their “friendship” was all about her, for her to react so harshly.
Tip of the day:
Weigh life’s risks and go forward with those for which you have passion and learned experience.