I'm 28 and was pursued by a male co-worker, 58, a year ago. I liked him immediately.
He's young-at-heart and good-looking for his age. We talked and began meeting outside of work.
I soon admitted having feelings for him and he said we’d talk about it, but we never did.
We got a hotel room and took the day off from work. The following week I found on Facebook that he had a girlfriend in her early-40s.
I was devastated. But I’d already fallen hard.
He went on holidays with her over Christmas while I was left here feeling miserable. But I decided to give it another go, and we hooked up again.
Then I learned that she’d moved in with him that same month at his new house. We got into a huge fight. He cried over the phone because he felt badly, but I know it's really because I threatened to expose him.
Every day at work when we’re alone (it’s a small company) he makes his moves and acts like I'm the only girl in the world.
It hooks me back in. I gave him an ultimatum to pick either her or me. He won't give up on her since she contributes financially to his mortgage.
Now, whenever I initiate plans, he bails because of an emergency, or something else.
Yet he keeps pursuing me at the office, even when I push him away because I’d rather that he spends time with me outside of work.
I know I need to end things, but taking that first step is really hard, especially because I have to work with him daily.
Loved A Cheater
It’s already over. You’ve made that “first step” by knowing this. Now, you must push yourself to tell him that you’re done with him.
He keeps coming on to you at work for two selfish reasons: 1) he doesn’t want you to expose his cheating to his girlfriend (or his boss, since the 30-year age difference could have him considered a workplace predator); and 2) he’s a compulsive cheater.
Back to your next move. Yes, you got hooked. But hanging on when you know he’s a lying cheater becomes soul-destroying,
Rescue yourself. Walk away from his “moves,” change jobs if possible, fire up your self-confidence.
You have years ahead for honest romance in your life, instead of his duplicity.
My husband (together 13 years) and I have three children. He has one child from a previous relationship.
He moved here from a small-town across the country, which annually has a large community event.
Last year he took his daughter and our son. This year his ex is attending with her daughter, staying with the girl’s grandfather – my husband, son, stepdaughter and her mother all at his father's house.
I’ve said that it’s inappropriate/wrong for him to spend a week in the same house as his ex. He states that I’m insecure.
I don't believe he’d accept my staying in the same house as my ex for a week.
Am I Wrong?
Some families include an ex as visitors, even houseguests without discomfort. But your finding this arrangement inappropriate should matter to him.
However, there’s a cost involved in staying elsewhere, and his father’s feelings about it, too.
Choices: Go along and stay there with them all. Or insist that you two and your son stay in a hotel (but visit his father frequently).
Or trust that your husband won’t behave inappropriately. That’s what matters.
FEEDBACK Regarding the man who’s delayed marrying his fiancée because his ex-wife convinced adult sons that they wouldn’t inherit enough once he’s married (June 15):
Reader – “Interesting how people think they’re healthy so there’s no need to plan. Yet serious illness and accidents happen suddenly.
“Without planning he’s risking the future of the woman he loves. She’ll be left fighting his family just to prove she contributed to the house (assuming the courts don’t treat it as rent payments).
“Without a will she doesn’t stand a chance. With no power of attorney for health and finance, she has no rights regarding his care if he becomes incapacitated.
“But he can make the plans for her security even without marriage. The family doesn’t even need to know. Unfortunately, it sounds like his family will cut her out as soon as trouble arises.”
Ellie – In jurisdictions where co-habiting grants legal status, the situation is somewhat better.
Tip of the day:
Single and hooked on a lying cheater? Rescue yourself because he/she won’t change.