My ex-girlfriend and I broke up six years ago and we haven’t spoken since the event leading up to the break.
The end was difficult; we were in our early 20's and had dated for six years.
Currently, she’s married and has two children; however she recently moved back to our hometown and is living with her parents.
I’m unsure what her marital status is, or if it’s jeopardized.
I think about her all the time and feel like she was the girl for me and that the primary fault of the relationship was our youth.
I’ve thought about calling her at her parents’ house just to talk. I don't know what to expect or what I really want.
But every time I feel low, I think about her and what might’ve been. I’m looking for some guidance…
- Old Memories in Omaha
Step outside your own “low feelings” and consider hers: if she’s living at her Mom’s house with two kids and no husband, she’s there because of some complications in her life. There may be a separation, or an illness; or her husband could be traveling for business, or serving in the military.
It would be fine for you to send her a note, saying you heard she’s in town, and would love to say hello as an old friend, and chat if she’s willing. But do NOT pursue her. And do NOT daydream about what “might’ve” happened in he past. It didn’t happen, and she has not returned to town for the purpose of brightening up your life. There are children involved and you can’t just pick up the old relationship.
Even if she’s available now, whatever might develop between you would be a new relationship, with very different responsibilities and expectations from the last time. So be careful what you wish for, and use your maturity to think this through carefully before you make contact with her.
I've been married to my husband for seven years and recently we’ve been having an on-and-off separation due to infidelity on both parts.
During the separation, we’d both started seeing other people but I ended my dating in order to save our marriage, as we both agreed to reconcile. But he’s staying with the person he was dating, yet he wants to come back home to work out our problems and raise our children.
It’s become difficult for him to do this because she’s helped him get a new car, and helped him financially, so it’s harder for him to be committed to our reconciliation. I'm impatient, frustrated, confused, hurt, angry, resentful, and depressed.
What should I do?
- Frustrated Wife
Tell your husband to get a bank loan and/or a second job, and drop the girlfriend, if he intends to work things out with you.
I’m guessing that financial difficulties and poor money management may have contributed to your marital problems, and caused some of the restlessness that led you both to stray. If so, then you need financial counselling along with couples therapy to help you work on your marriage together.
But his taking handouts from a lover who’s waiting in the wings will only confuse the picture and delay any progress.
Tell hubby that if he can be bought off that easily, he’s not ready to re-commit to being in the marriage and raising the children alongside you.
Unless he leaves her, he better save some of her cash gifts for paying a divorce lawyer.
My boyfriend of nine months and I decided to move in together when my lease ends, and get a place with more space.
I casually said that I’d like to be engaged beforehand. He reacted as if that’s too soon. I disagree. I’m 32, he’s 34.
I don't want to become pushy and pressuring and I don't want to make it all about a ring. He does want to get married at some point, we’ve talked about it, but still, I feel hurt.
- Bigger Issue
Don’t start packing boxes until you’ve talked this out. It may be that moving together is what’s “too soon.”
In order to be comfortable with this move, you need to know that an engagement is not far off.
Don’t let a lease end or the need for more space be the deadline – make sure you’re both prepared for living together as a committed couple.
Tip of the day:
Don’t return to an old relationship expecting it to be exactly the same.