I'm 30, mother of two girls, twelve and eight. I strive to be a role model for them - I'm attractive, fit and very competent. My daughters have seen me doing housework, athletics, changing the oil in our car, gardening, etc. I'm proud and always try to maintain my dignity.

Recently, my husband took the girls out while I went shopping. I returned and walked in on two men burglarizing our house. Fortunately, I wasn't harmed but they left me face down on the living room floor tightly hogtied and gagged. I couldn't get loose.

When my husband and daughters came home, you can't imagine how embarrassed I felt having my daughters see me in such a helpless, undignified condition. As they all worked to untie me I wanted to evaporate into the floor.

When I was free I put on a strong front but I know the memory of seeing me like that will never be erased from my children's' minds.

How can I begin to regain my sense of pride and neutralize that image my daughters saw? Right now I'm feeling utterly bound and gagged.

Traumatized

It's the experience for all of you that's at issue, so don't focus on your lack of dignity or strength. You are NOT Supermom, even if you are a great mom. Children understand reality, and in this case it was frightening, but not your fault and doesn't imply any weakness on your part.

Get to family counselling, and seek help for yourself as well as your daughters. YOU need to accept that things can happen beyond your control, that they don't change who you truly are despite the trauma, and the best you can do is check all the ways to make your home more secure. This will take time, as it seems you have that Supermom drive dug in pretty deep.

Your daughters need to believe that this event didn't alter you, nor demean your true image, and that you and their dad will do everything you can to prevent this kind of event in future.

Seek counselling soon.

My husband, age 30, has smoked for 17 years. I've spoken to him so many times about how he should quit for his health and he always says, "I will. I'm trying." But he hates my nagging and as much as he says he wants to quit, he won't do it.

How can I convince him without nagging? I want him to be around to grow old with me, but I'm afraid that won't happen. He's tried cutting down, but never gets below six cigarettes a day. I used to smoke, but I'm very good with will power.

Frustrated

Your will power is getting in the way. To help him quit, you need to see his addiction separately from yours, and as very hard for him to shake.

Do the research and hand him the information on various quit-smoking techniques that work for many. Allan Carr's book and method, Easy Way to Stop Smoking is highly effective. Some government health sites also have programs for smoking cessation.

Do NOT nag. Just hand over the book, material, etc. and be encouraging if you see signs that he's trying. You might also find a behaviour modification specialist who can help him recognize the triggers that make him smoke and ways to seek alternate strategies.

He also wants to live a long healthy life. But he needs to get motivated to end this habit on his own.

FEEDBACK Regarding the letter about body odour (December 7):

Reader - "The letter about body odour might've been about me. My boss told me there'd been a complaint about me from a co-worker.

"I asked my husband and he commented that when I wore polyester clothing, the clothing smelled bad. He notices smells, I don't. I now stick to natural fibres.

"I've seen a naturopath to adjust my diet and avoid foods that upset my stomach. I use an organic deodorant because the other stuff irritates my skin, but maybe it's not as good. I shower regularly. I now even wear perfume and heard comments that I smell nice. Maybe the writer just has it in for me."

Upset

My letters come from all over the world, and this isn't the only one I've ever received about someone's body odours, so it's not about you. However, the changes you made could be helpful to others with this problem. Thanks.