I’ve been with my significant other for four years and am more in love with him than anyone before.
We both make decent money. I’m ready to start our next chapter together.
All of our couple friends have bought houses, some are married with children, engaged or soon-to-be, and we’re both still at our parents’ homes deciding where our sleepovers will be.
I try not to compare to others, but with all the social media, everyone’s relationships are in my face. I feel, "Why isn't this happening to me?"
Maybe he doesn't want to move out because at home, everything’s done for him.
I show him houses in good neighbourhoods with fairly good prices, I make up budgets, but get no positive feedback.
He's never said no to the idea of moving out and buying a house together, but at almost-30, maybe he’d rather be with his family than start one with me.
Am I just envious of my friends and their accomplishments? I try not to raise this because it only starts arguments.
Like High-School Dating
Comparisons create a slippery slope. You finally get a house together, and friends buy a cottage. They start travelling to faraway places while you’re mortgage-strapped.
If envy’s driving you, cut back on Facebook and other social media “sharing.”
Does he want to move in with you? If not, why not?
If he’s unsure of what you two can really afford, suggest renting an apartment for a year to see how the budget works.
The important goal is being together. If he’s not ready for it, re-think the relationship.
My husband and I have been together for 15 years (married for seven); he’s 50, I’m 49.
We each have a child from previous marriages and one together. We also seriously dated years ago. We broke up and were married to others.
At the recent family dinner for my husband's 50th, I learned that my sister-in-law offered to “take” him to England as a birthday gift.
His family’s from the UK, he’s the only child born here. My sister-in-law’s married to a wealthy man and travels frequently, up to twice a year to the UK.
We’re self-employed and struggle to pay the bills when customers don't pay on time. He’s long said he wants to take me to England.
I can't invite myself along because it was her offer and she’s paying.
I’m heartbroken. It’s unlikely we’ll ever afford to go ourselves. Our only getaways are annual motorcycle trips, to six hours away.
My sister-in-law knows I’ve never been abroad, and that my husband’s talked about taking me there.
The trip’s being planned for the month before I have my 50th birthday.
It’s up to your husband to thank her, and then say he feels terribly going without you but can’t afford to take you.
He might say that since it’s also your 50th coming up, that if she can get another seat on points (from all her travels), or get two charter seats cheaper, he’d be very grateful, because he hates leaving you behind.
If he can’t bring himself to do that, forget any negative feelings towards your sister-in-law (she likely thinks this is a grand gesture), and take a hard practical look at your budget:
Could you arrange/afford the needed babysitters if you both went to England?
Is there any other plan/expense you could forego to buy another ticket, at the cheapest fare?
If it just can’t work out, wish your husband a good trip. Make “next time” a joint goal, as soon as possible.
I’m a separated senior, friends with a group of women for over 30 years. We've raised our kids, had health issues, careers, and always supported each other.
I'm the only who’s divorced. I’m now retired with limited funds. It's obvious to everyone that I have to watch my expenses.
Others are all well off with multiple homes, and travel extensively.
Two ladies tell me their personal finances (amounts invested, proceeds from house sale, inheritance, etc).
I change the subject or just agree that they’re in a good position.
I'd like to have an answer ready that it's personal information I don’t want to hear, but without seeming like sour grapes.
Too Much Information
Gentle humour can be a great conveyor of meaning. Example: A laugh and, “lucky you, I can barely afford this conversation.” Then move onto the next topic quickly while still smiling.
Dear Readers - Other suggestions are most welcome!
Tip of the day:
Face your own issues, not comparisons to others.