I secretly dated a married man for three years. He said he’ll stay married despite having no relationship with his wife for 15 years.
My womanly feelings were to feel sorry for him. But at the end I felt empty.
He’d show up late. Only once, there was a week’s overnight stay when his wife was away.
I asked him to make more efforts for me, but he’d try only when it was convenient regarding his wife, i.e. staying a few moments after his hockey game, then going home, always to sleep on the couch.
Recently, I let him go.
He’ll never leave his wife or disappoint his family. I was used for keeping his lifestyle alive.
I'm hurt and disappointed that I made a terrible choice.
Being with him had seemed so nice. We shared lots in common, including sports.
But I was always waiting for him, I had no voice. It was about him and his wife. Now, I never want to see him or hear about her again.
I'm looking for a healthy relationship which I can enjoy normally.
No More Married Men
You gained a greater appreciation of what you do want and need in a relationship, and your story is a warning call to other women drawn to married men. But there are other lessons from this experience:
1) “Womanly feelings” don’t have to mean solving a man’s troubled marriage through sex and being on call.
Especially not for a man who says from the start that you’ll always be No. 4 interest after him, his wife, and his family.
2) For every married man who “needs” a lover, there’s a wife and a situation you don’t really know. Whether he sleeps on the couch or not, you’re helping him cheat on that woman.
Now, it’s time to work on a better future. Focus on what you like to do – e.g. sports, which provide a wonderful way to feel good about yourself, to enjoy being in Nature when possible, and also be with like-minded people.
Focus, too, on your friendships. Since your waiting around for an absent lover made you feel empty and used, you probably gave less time and enthusiasm to friends, and can make up for that now.
When you meet new men to date, take it slow. Make sure there’s equal give and take, and that you don’t start fulfilling someone else’s needs more than your own.
My older brother, age 23, is a successful master’s student at a prestigious university, dedicated to his delving deep into his studies.
However, I worry that he doesn’t get a sufficient amount of exercise.
Over two years, he’s lost a considerable amount of muscle mass and overall bodyweight. I worry for his health and well-being.
I’m not asking for him to devote hours each day to the gym, like me, but a little extra muscle mass certainly could benefit.
Am I right to be worrying about his physical condition?
A healthy amount of exercise - even just walking briskly – is always helpful to maintaining energy and well-being. Such fitness breaks usually also help people improve their focus back at their work or studies.
The US Department of Health and Human Services states that “for a general goal, aim for at least 30 minutes of moderate physical activity every day.”
This suggestion is not only a way to show brotherly concern, but also to NOT compare him to you spending hours at the gym.
I’m a woman, 48, who after divorcing several years ago was convinced by friends to start online dating.
I initially found it awkward and humiliating, especially when a man turned out to have lied on his profile or seemed interesting but only wanted sex.
After two years of frustration and disappointment, I met a wonderful man who’s now my significant other.
But when people ask how we met each other, I get embarrassed. I’m still awkward about having had to shop for a partner. What should I say?
You’re 20 years too shy. People have been dating online for at least that long and there are enough romances, marriages, and offspring from their success stories to give hope to others.
Yes, the number of misses are undoubtedly higher, and it takes time to learn the skills. Lucky you, for conquering that challenge. Now speak up, and give hope to other online daters.
Tip of the day:
Waiting alone for a future with your married lover? Focus on yourself, instead.