I married a great woman I love dearly, but now that we have three kids and I've secured a top job, there's no time for passion and excitement. All our domestic routines are predictable, even boring, including our lovemaking.

Also, I hate my job but can't afford to leave it. I know I'm becoming miserable at home - what little time I'm there - and hate that I'm often short-tempered and tense with my wife and kids. Yet I don't know how to stop the merry-go-round, maintaining success at work, and the downward slide at home.

Torn

Look for another job. With your qualifications that got you into this one, you can surely find another good position. Even if the salary isn't identical, you're currently paying out too high an emotional price.

Apologize to your wife and ask for her help making some important decisions... perhaps a move elsewhere, some changes that allow for more family recreation, and more chance for spontaneity.

If you keep this job's income as your priority, you're likely to eventually lose the people you're working to support.

My son, mid-20s, is having trouble accepting his father's behaviour towards him. My ex is distant and self-absorbed; his main contribution to parenting was the occasional lecture. He sees every flaw in his kids but not their good qualities. I was the buffer between them until I couldn't take how he treated me.

My son has to deal with him while he's in school although he no longer lives with him. I've tried to tell my ex that children need support and encouragement while in school, but I doubt he understands.

My son won't see a counsellor or doctor about his feelings. How can I help him accept the uncaring behaviour as just the way it is, without feeling so depressed, unloved, and bitter? He knows I love him dearly but that isn't enough to fill the void left by a father who didn't want to spend time with his family.

Concerned Mom

Your job is to be the supportive, encouraging mom you are - not to replace his father. Your son knows his father's shortcomings; he just doesn't like them. He needs to know - this is part of your support role - that it has nothing to do with him or anything he's doing wrong.

That means there's nothing he has to do to change his father's behaviour to him, any more than he can change his father at all.

Your encouragement - plus that of extended family and, hopefully, some respected male figures among your relatives and friends - will also show him that he's not like his father; he can be engaged with people around him, not distant.

This is the crucial reason he mustn't allow himself to linger in depression, which can unwittingly become a stepping stone to withdrawal. Counselling would be a great benefit to him. Help him see that it's not about revealing weakness or upsetting his life by giving in to his feelings.

Rather, it's about having the courage and strength to shuck his father's poor example, and seek better relationships for himself.

Every day at work, my mother calls me with her latest problem... a neighbour dispute, a new ache. My father's there, I tell her I'm busy, but she just gets hurt. What should I do?

Pressured

Don't answer the phone. If her voice message is frantic, call when you have a break. Otherwise, call after you've had dinner. She'll get used to it.

Extra-marital affairs don't just exact an emotional toll, although I lost friends and had family relationships broken over my affair.

The cost can also be financial. I had a baby from the affair and lost my job. After daycare, gas, and work expenses I'd be left with only $75/week, so I stayed home. Now I'm faced with knowing that my husband has to put in extra hours, and my other children are making do with less, due to my selfish choice.

I've eliminated the possibility of family vacations and other little extras from their lives. The financial impact will be felt for years to come in our family.
Still Paying

The affair was then. The resulting child is now. Though you live with regrets, do not let the baby also pay the price of being "blamed" for the aftermath. Look for some home-based work for now, and move forward.