My marriage of five years is definitely on the rocks. We started dating in high school, and married when I finished university. We didn't live together beforehand and don't have any kids.

My husband had promised he'd go back to school and/or decide what he wanted to do with his life. Instead, he's held a succession of low paying jobs and only works seasonally.

He helps around the house only when I tell him to. Every year or so we have a really rough patch. We've attempted couples counselling but he felt it wasn't working.

He'll acknowledge there's a problem but never does anything to change, even when I mention divorce. His friends and family refer to him as a "kept man," saying how easy he has it, right in front of me! I pay the bills, cook his meals, and entertain his friends. I even chauffeur him, as he doesn't have his drivers' license, though I paid for driving lessons for him!

I want a husband to build a life with and start a family, not an overgrown teenager to take care of!

Frustrated and Angry

Time for "tough love" measures, or you'll be mothering this "teenager" indefinitely.

But first, get legal advice, because in some jurisdictions your greater income could mean you having to support him even after a divorce.

Give him a timeline for helping him take responsibility... say, three months to get his drivers' license before you stop chauffering him anywhere but to work.

Insist he get career counseling, upgrading courses, do job searches, etc. Stop cooking and entertaining for him, unless he follows through. The "support" he needs most is a push toward self-reliance - for his own dignity and self-confidence. Then, you can decide whether he gets a second chance to be a grown-up husband.

I'm 45, happily married, have three adult children. My sister, 51, is unmarried with no children, few friends, doesn't drive, and constantly asks me to do favors for her.

We've never been close. Over the last five to eight years, she's belittled and put me down for whatever reason, when something about me has bothered her. She won't tell me if I say something she doesn't like. Instead, she stews until she explodes. Yet none of what she says is true. Also, she doesn't do this to our other siblings.

What should I say when she calls and starts her tirade?

Tired of Tirades

There's something brewing in your relationship that likely started way back and has heated up in the breach of your very different lifestyles. She could be jealous, or feel judged by you, or even feel that she's failed where you've succeeded (i.e., IF she'd wanted marriage and kids).

If you want to try to maintain a relationship, rise above her negative feelings.

If you sense a storm brewing, try to catch her when you feel up to it. Example: "I feel something's bothering you, and I hate to offend you, so why not tell me about it." At least that keeps you from being blindsided when you're tired or busy.

If that doesn't help, go a step further. Tell her you care about her and want to have a relationship but can't constantly take the criticism. So either you agree to look for the positive in each other, or you need some distance from her. It may even be what she really wants, since she obviously has her own issues about you.

My condo neighbours are divorcing. They've lived here for ten years and were part of a small group that got together socially every couple of months. Also, most of us work together on condo issues.

The husband has suddenly left his wife and moved out. She's devastated and angry, so badmouths him whenever any of us see her. But he was our good friend as much as she, and we don't want to dismiss him as if he never existed (as she has). How do we handle staying in touch with both of them?

Next Door

Since she's still in the condo, you'll naturally see her more. But if she starts ranting against him, cut her short saying, "it's none of our business what happened, and we consider you both as friends."

Tell him the same thing. Arrange any get-togethers away from the condo for a while, to avoid any awkward scenes.