I've been dating my boyfriend for three years. I know in the beginning everything is all nice and sweet. But lately, he's always texting on his phone when I'm with him, and when I ask who he's talking to he gets very defensive.

I'm not saying that he's cheating on me. But I just feel so alone lately. I will ask him to cuddle with me and he just doesn't care how I feel and totally ignores me. When I try to talk to him about how I feel, he doesn't want to hear it, and automatically thinks I'm complaining.

I just don't know how to show him that I want him to care about how I feel. What should I do?

Worried

You haven't mentioned any interest in how he feels.... as in, perhaps, smothered, and lacking any free space when at home with you. All he hears is about you.

Sure, he's a jerk and rude to just sit there and text someone else when he's beside you. That doesn't mean he's cheating, but that he IS trying to distance.

Back off for awhile. Let him do his own thing, and get busy doing something too... not in retaliation, but just occupied with your own stuff.

Then, when he reaches out for a cuddle and more, enjoy it, but later talk to him about HIM... how his work's going, how he's feeling, etc. Don't do the big relationship talk right away, or he'll feel cornered again. Soon enough, you'll know whether he's still cool. If so, time to re-think the whole relationship.

I've always had a difficult relationship with my sister. Growing up, it was sibling rivalry bordering on abuse - with violence, rage, and put-downs, all at the hands of my sister.

Now, I've flourished professionally, made a life for myself, and have finally met a man with whom I want to spend the rest of my life.

Our lives, and the decisions we've made are very different.

My sister's behaviour towards my partner is astonishingly inappropriate, and one evening, I even caught her trying to be physically intimate with him. My partner and I have talked about it, and I believe him when he tells me he's not responded to her advances.

Although over the past several months I've established boundaries and kept my distance, the feelings of betrayal and resentment that I feel are not dissipating. When I think about her, I become enraged, and feel that she has a subconscious desire to sabotage my relationship.

With the holidays quickly approaching, I'm seeking advice on how to control my anger so that my family can be peaceful and conflict-free.

Angry Sister

You've got a good handle on this: Your partner should be prepared to walk away from your sister if she makes any inappropriate moves, and to change the subject or talk to someone else if she says anything worrisome.

Keep up your own boundaries and set some new ones that suit the situation... e.g. limit your time at any family function where she'll be present, make sure you're not seated close to her, also walk away if negative comments or moves are made.

HOWEVER, you have an unhappy history with your sister and this "sabotage" move you sense may be more than you can bear without professional therapy to discuss the past as well as the present. If you start a process of counselling now, you'll hopefully feel more sure of yourself and your reactions, in this situation.

FEEDBACK Regarding the possibility of one side "upstaging" another at a shower (Nov. 2):

Reader - "Do as my in-laws (who have substantially more money than my retired single dad). They provided a high-value gift card for me to buy the big-ticket item of my choice ahead of time. And then they wrapped up a cute sleeper and blanket to open at the shower.

"I really recommend the gift card, or else going with the expectant mom to choose something together. Especially with something like a stroller, where the height and weight of the item can make a big difference in how easy it is to push around.

"I also recommend going shopping after the shower because you never know who will bring something expensive (someone feeling generous, or people at work who go in together to get something more expensive) and then new mom has two fancy strollers!"