My wife and I are expecting our fourth child.
It’s obvious among our friends and family that we’re not affluent, that our home will become way over-crowded, so many ask blatantly, “Was this planned?” I find the question offensive, and don’t want our child to grow up hearing he/she was an “accident.”
How can I respond to these rude questions and prevent future labelling of #4?

- Annoyed

Option 1- You can close the topic with a zinger: e.g. “I don’t disclose what goes on in my bedroom… do you?”
OR, Option 2- You can sugar-coat your response, then change the subject: “We make such great kids that we just had to keep going.”
Close family and friends CAN be intrusive, though it usually comes from caring. I like an element of humour when I’m letting people know what’s none of their business, but you may prefer the second option, depending on how regularly these same people ask rude questions.

Dear Readers: Not all of you will agree with my advice or anyone else’s. A question in my July 18 column brought responses that made that point.
“Private Image” was a camera-shy artist whose family is obsessed with taking photos and posting them on social networking sites – even stopping traffic to take 10 to15 shots.
Private Image’s work has become successful but wants the photo emphasis to be on the pieces, not the artist.
The writer questioned, How to politely refuse to be in their pictures or get them to limit photo sessions?
In my answer, I noted the humble tone of the much-longer question (edited for space) but that the writer’s shyness wasn’t all-encompassing as he/she did allow some personal photos, but objected to the quantity.
I still believe, as I wrote, that as confidence in both self and art grow, so, too, would more tolerance – since artistic success increases interest in the work AND the creator.
Feedback brought different views - some from people with similar camera-shy feelings. I offer them, as well, to Private Image:

Reader: Saying “you’ll get used to it” encourages this family’s dysfunction. If the writer wants to opt out from too many pictures, all s/he needs to do is say, “that’s enough for now.” It’s about being assertive.

Reader: I’m an amateur photographer and always ask people if they mind. I never photograph anybody who doesn’t want it, I do NOT ask why and I do NOT try to cajole the person.
He/She doesn’t have to explain herself.

Reader: I’m also camera-shy. My solution – I get behind the camera and take pictures.
When family gets excessive about setting up shots, I switch to video mode and keep shooting. When the tables are turned on themselves, they see what I see.
There’s nothing funnier than taking a video of people who think they’re setting up for a snapshot... pretend the flash didn’t work and they’ll re-pose over and over again.

Reader: I sympathize; my mother obsesses over group family shots. The best policy is to just be honest. Say that while you appreciate the attention, you’re not comfortable in the spotlight and ask that they keep photos to a minimum.
Don’t be afraid to speak up for yourself.

Reader: Holding up traffic for 10-15 shots of the same pose IS excessive. Tons of people don’t like having their picture taken. It has nothing to do with shyness.
I think, though, that “Private” has a bit of a problem with assertiveness.

I admire your compassionate and constructive counsel.
I’m contemplating a mid-life career change to counsellor. I have much personal experience managing issues regarding family relationships and mental illness, and wish to help others facing similar struggles.
How do I initiate the process of becoming a family counsellor? I have no formal education in the field.

- Caring and Curious

Many thanks for your vote of confidence… you can see from the above that, in all areas of the advice-giving field, one has to be objective as well as compassionate, and open-minded to other approaches that might work.
To qualify as a family counsellor, you need to invest in further education. There are several different routes: e.g. courses in social work, psychotherapy, psychology, etc.
Professional associations for these groups offer registration credentials, once you’ve completed the required studies.
You can Google the various associations and learn what’s necessary to offer counselling in your jurisdiction.