I recently got out of a long-distance relationship that we both rushed into. We’d started seeing each other romantically just weeks after meeting.

We both returned to school, and because of our four great weeks of dating, decided to make it official and stick out the long distance.

Everything changed after that. The first time I made the seven-hour drive to see her again, we had an argument just before I left.

She compared us to a past relationship, I said it wasn't fair to compare and we continued with the relationship. We broke off three weeks later, after another argument when I’d made the drive again.

She said she didn't want "drama" in her life and that I wasn't the calm person she’d thought. I am a calm person, but the long drive (I was the only one making that effort, as she doesn't drive) made me tired and cranky. Also, the stress of adjusting to school life after a two-year break was difficult for me.

We still have chemistry, feel deeply connected, and want to be in each other’s lives, but she isn't sure of a romantic future.

I still believe it could happen, especially if we were closer geographically.

Am I giving myself false hope about a possible future with her, or should I remove this wonderful person from my life?

Rushed-in Fool

There’s no reason to remove her as a friend-for-now, with future unknown, since there ARE good reasons why the long distance created stress and drama.

Explain it to her just as clearly, then drop the intense scrutiny, and stay in contact as caring friends.

If either of you plans a later visit, try taking a bus or train, and stretching to a three-day weekend.

FEEDBACK A very thoughtful reader has suggested what women should ask themselves about a potential partner, before investing emotionally in someone, or settling on someone just because he wants you.

I present many of her ideas as a self-awareness quiz for assessing a potential romantic relationship, while protecting your own self-esteem:

- Is he intriguing? Are you interested in his hobbies or anything he’s said? If he doesn't say anything that makes you want to know more, then he's boring and you shouldn't give him the time of day.

- Is he ambitious and intelligent? Does he have as much potential as you do? Is he hard working, or have any other quality that you particularly appreciate in yourself and others? (Amusing, charming, caring, reliable, loyal, adventurous, fun, compassionate, or preferably a multitude of great qualities).

- Is there anything about him that greatly displeases you? If so, forget him.

- Has he proven that he can care about you deeply and that you can rely on him? That he’s mature and serious about you and the relationship? That he’s a loyal partner?

- Do you want the same things in life?

That's a start.

Don't jump on a guy just because he's interested in you, but rather make sure he's worthy of you. And DO make sure you're truly interested in him… even if your interest is only short-term.

Ellie – The reader added that if you know it’s only short-term, but want your fun with him sexually, go ahead. Men do this regularly, she says.

I must state my belief that the “fun” approach only works if a woman can handle it… through this column I’ve found that a lot of women can’t, because they often end up feeling emotionally hurt if a relationship stays in the for-sex-only zone.

FEEDBACK Regarding people with hypothyroidism and other health reasons for being unable to lose weight despite exercising, eating healthy foods and watching calories (Sept. 26):

Reader – “This happens more often than realized. Being overweight doesn't always point to an unhealthy eater or lack of physical activity.

“I swim intensively four times weekly, walk briskly after dinner everyday, and monitor my calories. However, I have something called polycystic ovarian syndrome, which causes insulin to elevate. High insulin causes fat storage and weight gain. I also have a low thyroid.

“I’m overweight but healthy, as I work out and eat low-glycemic foods. I’m not overweight because of excessive and wrong foods, or physical inactivity. Unfortunately, people stereotype overweight people and causes of weight gain.

“In some people’s cases, it has nothing to do with that, which is what my doctor says to me, when I complain that I'm not losing weight.”