My wife lets people walk all over her and doesn’t stand up for herself. It drives me crazy! She is such a giving and selfless person, always doing for others. But people take her generosity of time for granted and have high expectations of her.

For example, she was helping a friend organize volunteers for a yearlong project that coincided with her child’s school year. Every two to three months a different group of volunteers were asked to participate. Some months, participation was high; others, not at all. In the middle of it all, our daughter had tonsilitis and ended up in hospital. That period wasn’t popular for volunteers and they fell short because my wife let it slide.

Her friend was understanding and not upset, but the organizer of the project sent her a nasty email berating her for not doing her job. I wanted to reach through the screen, I was so angry. My wife said to let it go.

But I know she was hurt and upset. How do I get her to stand up for herself, especially when she is volunteering her time and energy?

Protective Hubby

Your wife is smart. Replying to that woman would not have done any good. Your wife is generous, not only with her time, but in spirit as well. But she clearly has her priorities set. When your daughter needed her, she was focused and present.

Tell her how proud you are of her. Tell her you hate to see people take advantage of her. Tell her that you have her back whenever she needs you.

Now let her do her thing. When she’s had enough, she’ll walk away.

 

My daughter is going to an end-of-school pool party with her boyfriend, who is graduating high school. I understand one wears a bathing suit to a pool party, however, my daughter has a Kardashian figure: large breasts, tiny waist, and some junk in her trunk. We argue about her clothing choices at least once a week.

She was showing me her pool party outfit and I’m beside myself. Her bikini is so small, it barely covers anything. There is zero material in the back. Just a string attaching the front, which is smaller than a wedge of cheese.

I know she can’t help what her figure looks like, but she could be more conservative in her clothing choice, especially a bathing suit. In my opinion, her teeny itty bitty bikini screams SEX!

What do I do?

Mortified Mom

Breathe, mom, breathe. Face it, she’s a teenager and she’s going to wear whatever she wants, whether you like it or not. However, you can help her see the difference in how outfits change the way people feel, both for the person wearing the outfit, and for those seeing them.

For example, the same person feeling lazy, wearing sweatpants, watching TV on the sofa can then change into a cocktail dress and high heels and feel energized and beautiful.

Tell her that her bikini is stunning, but – maybe it’s better for the beach and not a school pool party. Offer to take her bathing suit shopping, and try on some with more material. Sexy, stylish bathing suits don’t have to be barely there. It sounds like her body will speak for itself, even if she wears a brown paper bag.

When my elderly father passed away five months ago, it hit me hard. I was his live-in primary caregiver (my mother past nine years ago). Within a week, a young female co-worker of a friend of mine reached out to offer sympathy and condolence. Since then, she and I have gone out a few times for dinner and drinks.

She has made it clear that she just wants to be friends and I am more than willing to respect that. I do, however, feel a bit more than that about her. The big problem is that she is half my age. I am 50 and she is 25. I don't want to jeopardize our new friendship. What to do?

Confused

You mention that this young woman is a friend of a friend. Though it’s nice of her to reach out, it seems odd that she wants to make a new friendship this way. She’s young enough to be your daughter.

I suggest moving on to friends and potential lovers closer to your own age.