I’ve recently learned that my former colleague of over a decade ago had separated from her husband last fall.
We’d worked closely together for a few years and there was always a spark between us. We flirted a little and laughed a lot, but never acted seriously on it as we were both married.
She had children (I didn’t) and so shut down anything going further. Besides the attraction, there was great respect for each other’s work and we were successful at a number of joint projects for our employer.
I have my own company now and had heard nothing about her for a few years. But I can’t stop thinking about her.
I keep wondering if there was someone else in her life, or if she managed through the lockdown on her own, and whether she’d welcome hearing from me or would think I was coming on to her just by calling.
I can’t forget the one time that our feelings were no longer hidden. Her car was in for repairs and I drove her home.
Our hands touched and I pulled over into a parking lot where we embraced. We were both overwhelmed by emotion, she started to cry, and that’s when she insisted it could go no further.
When she got out just before her house, I drove around the block and had to wipe my own tears away.
Do I call her and take a chance on being dismissed coldly? I’ve been divorced for a couple of years. I dated one woman for five months, but my feelings didn’t come close to what I still feel for my colleague.
She must’ve heard from other former work-mates about my divorce, but didn’t try to reach me.
Make the call. It’ll at least open a window on the fuller conversation you may get to have.
If she’s with another partner now, she’ll say so. If she’s not, she likely didn’t reach out to you after your divorce because gossipers would’ve also included your dating news.
Meanwhile, her children are much older now, affecting her life and decisions - perhaps financially and/or emotionally, over issues regarding her separation.
The pandemic lockdown undoubtedly affected her view of the future.
You’ve changed too, owning a business which may demand more time and focus from you than when you two were employed, plus worries from a dramatically changed economy during these past months.
You two shared a powerful attraction more than 10 years ago. Yet, in my experience with other similar stories, a few such strong connections of both hearts and minds, can and do remain as seeds of yearning.
Can yours flourish again? You’ll only know if you reach out and try.
FEEDBACK Regarding why women “steal” other women’s husbands (June 25):
Reader - “I have found out by speaking with many men that they had affairs because their wives didn’t want sex. Sex is a big thing for men and if they’re denied it at home, they’ll seek it elsewhere.
“Women need to stop doing so much and look after themselves by resting so they have energy to satisfy their man.”
Ellie - Sex is also a big thing for women. Unfortunately, most are “doing so much” because they have to, as no one else is doing it with them or for them.
That includes their husbands who have time to talk so freely about their wives’ faults.
We took our children to a beach. I’m very Covid-conscious, so we brought our own toys, fold-up chairs, and a cooler of drinks/food, all placed behind the chairs, where I was sitting a while.
A man took our frisbee and tossed it to his teenage son. I stood and said to him, “Excuse me, that’s my frisbee.” He barked, “You’re not using it.”
I replied that it’s normally fine to share, but during the virus, I’d brought my own things to protect both my family and his, too. He stormed off.
Later, a woman moved my book and towel off my chair when I’d briefly stepped away, and sat down. She said I was “hogging” the chair. I said I brought it from home. She doubted me. My husband had to confirm it!
Are some people just…
Selfish or Stupid?
Cranky, tired of restrictions, scared but in denial, uninformed. The pandemic persists. Protect yourself, family, others too.
Tip of the day:
Dreaming of a past, unfulfilled relationship won’t answer your current questions and hopes. Take the first step toward knowledge.