I've been in an exclusive eight-year relationship with my boyfriend; he sleeps over at my place on weekends. We both travel for two days weekly for work, so this arrangement seemed fine until now.
At 43, I need more stability - I want to buy a home and I expected that he'd join me in sharing the cost, making it "our" home. I wasn't talking about marrying - neither of us wants children - but I expected to share our life.
But he's balking at buying the house with me, though he can afford to split the down payment and the mortgage. It's about his "freedom." He won't give up his own place, and says our relationship is just fine as is. He says we'll create problems by buying the house together, and then it'll be difficult to untangle.
What should I do?
Play hardball just like he's doing. Start the search to buy a house or condo you can afford yourself. It's a test for you both: 1) You'll prove to yourself whether you want him to move with you because you need a financial partner or because you love him; 2) It'll show your guy that your needs for greater commitment as a couple can become the deal-breaker between you.
When you discuss the house purchase, be firm: There'll be no "free-rent" weekends. If you continue to date at all, it'll be as independent separate individuals. You'll not be getting this house as an upgrade to his comfort zone.
If your guy still resists, you've reached not only the fork in the road to your house, but also in this relationship.
I've been going to the same family doctor for ten years; I really like her but find her style of practice has changed with her own lifestyle. She used to see patients five days a week, but since married an affluent man and cut her practice back to two days weekly. It takes much longer to get an appointment and the waiting times in the office have increased greatly.
It's not that easy to find a doctor with whom I'm comfortable. I have some health issues but also have shared a lot of emotional stuff with this woman, and felt she understood me because of it.
Is it unwise to switch doctors and risk getting someone who doesn't "get" you? Also, will my current doctor be offended if I leave her and is it possible for her to make it difficult for me to get my health records passed on?
Any doctor who cuts her patient days by more than half knows that some people will drop off, and that's likely part of this woman's plan to work less and focus more on her own personal life.
You have a right to move on and have your health records follow you. But first, do the research on which doctors are taking new patients, where they're located, how long it takes to get an appointment, etc.
If you know anyone who's very happy with his or her doctor, start by asking why. You can also call a doctor's office to ask the receptionist about wait times for appointments and in the office itself.
If you have personal, emotional stuff affecting your health, you're best to tell some of this to your new doctor too. She or he may not have the same personality response to you, but that doesn't mean the information isn't being considered as part of your overall profile.
My friend's acting oddly - quickly angry with shopkeepers (in my presence), embarrassing about asking for discounts, and generally acting "cheap" when we eat out together, not to mention trying to stick me with leaving the tip.
She normally lives very well - nice condo, fairly recent car, and stylish clothes. So I don't consider her short of a dollar. When I tried to ask if anything's bothering her, she brushed me off. Do I probe further or accept that she's changed and just stop getting together?
No one knows what's in another person's bank account. She may've had some financial reversal she doesn't want to talk about - money lost in the stock market, an expensive mistake in purchase or business deal, whatever. Her behaviour is odd, but it's not directed at you personally.
Show an interest in her well-being, but have less frequent contact for awhile. You'll eventually know the story.
Tip of the day:
A call for closer commitment can make or break a relationship.