My wife and her sisters are constantly squabbling and getting over it. My wife says, “you should support me” during these tiffs or it means I’m “taking the other one’s side.” 

To me, these arguments are petty and transitory and stem from sibling rivalry, which should have been outgrown long ago. They inevitably reconcile and seek each other’s comfort in times of distress.

I’m fond of the family and enjoy the company of my brother’s-in-law. All us husbands try to stay out of these tiffs but we’re all called upon to “support” our wives.

Why do they expect “support” over trivial perceived offenses by their siblings?

- Don’t Get It

What’s trivial to you feels significant to her at the time, especially when compounded by years of sibling rivalry which you can’t just “wish” away. 

The support you need to show is to listen. A periodic, sincere, “Yes, that is hurtful,” will acknowledge her feelings - which is what she wants.

If she presses for, “Am I right?” you can say that her feelings are real and she’s entitled to them (which indicates she’s right without saying the others are wrong). This approach is far more supportive than ignoring her hurts.

Tell the other husbands that the groups’ joint neglect isn’t as clever as you all think.

By distancing yourselves from your wives’ emotions, you make them all the more needy of each other, and the more likely they’ll follow old patterns of heated tiffs and rebound closeness.

My husband pays monthly child support but his ex doesn’t allow him visitation rights. He’s not had any contact with his ex or his child in 10 years.  

We’re completing our wills, and I’d like to leave everything to our own child as we’ve accumulated our estate together as a couple. I don’t feel that I should be responsible for giving his child from a previous relationship any money.

Can my husband’s ex claim anything against our will for their child?

Can my husband’s child dispute our will?

- Uncertain

You’re using resentment as a basis for legal matters, and they don’t mix. 

If your husband wanted contact with his child, he could’ve gone to the courts to seek it. Or, there was more to his divorce settlement than you may know.

Also, you should not be deciding whether he wants to give some of his half of the estate to his child. He owns his own share.

Talk to a lawyer about any rights to claims that his ex or child may have. But consider that it’s better to “do the right thing” than be vindictive and possibly open to legal challenge.

My husband of one year is working elsewhere; I promised I’d move there in the spring - a time-line we agreed upon. I’ve been regularly reporting what I’m doing to prepare for the move. 

Suddenly, he said he can’t trust me to keep my word about moving and he needs time to think.

My heart and soul are broken by all of this. I’m more than willing to give up my job and move to be with him.

- Not Backing Out

Take a bus, train, or plane and visit your husband. Either he’s missing you too much, or YOU are missing something. 

You need “together time” to figure it out.

Maybe spring is too far away for a “groom,” and the time-line needs updating. Maybe you seem too comfortable with the wait. Re-bond and re-consider.

I don’t hold a Christian faith but my father and stepmother do. 

At their home, I respect them saying grace and participate silently. In my home, I feel it’s important that they respect that saying grace is not comfortable for me and my family.

For years, I’ve let them say grace but it never feels right.

They’re in their mid-70s, so I hate to make any issue out of this.

How can I show respect without feeling my own value system is being jeopardized?

- Wanting Respect

After years of acceptance, a turnaround would create the issue you want to avoid. 

If these were new friends, you’d state your preferences from the beginning. But as a family member, you’ve wisely and kindly respected the elder generation, knowing that your own belief system isn’t affected by this generosity.

Don’t end it now; rise above this passing frustration. They won’t be around forever.