My wife and I had sex nine times last year. That’s not nearly enough for me, but she doesn’t seem to care.  

There’s a good chance our marriage will end if this isn’t resolved but I don’t see how it will.

I love her but can’t live like this.

- Sexless Marriage

You’ve told me, now tell her: “There’s a good chance this marriage will end if our sex life can’t be resolved.” Then start resolving, which means discussing, negotiating, compromising. It does NOT mean stating polarized positions – you want more, she doesn’t – and walking away angry. 

If you love her, show it be expressing sincere interest in why she’s okay with infrequent intimacy.

Ask, has anything turned her off? If she’s had a significant change in libido, when did it occur and can the two of you explore its source and possible improvements, together?

Once the talk gets going, listen. You may hear important factors about your own behaviour that have a play in all this.

If needed, recommend couples’ counselling.

If all this fails, you’ve tried your best and the next step is yours to make.

We fell in love five years ago, in our late teens, but I had to move back to my university city (five hours away). After a year we got back together. 

I broke up with him two years later, as we were always fighting.

Another two years together, I broke up with him again, for the same reason. I met someone else, and moved on too quickly.

A year later, I’m still in love with him and wish I’d tried harder to work through our fights because he loved me very much.

We’re friends and spend time together, but sometimes we get intimate and it hurts, because he doesn’t want to get back together.

Is there any hope for us?

- Regretful

There’s no reason for hope if one of you was deeply hurt, the other backs away from conflicts, and there’s already sex. 

He’s got to be thinking, why risk anything deeper? It’s up to you to prove that you’re capable of working through fights instead of ending reasonable discussions by walking away.

Stop the “friends with benefits” activity and focus on what you really want; start communicating intimately by acknowledging that you have not known how to disagree in a relationship, but want to learn. It’s called fighting fair, instead of closing down.

Together, examine the issues that caused the fights, and think ahead how to handle them in the future. It’s worth a try.

What would you say to a young woman who doesn’t let her mom see her grandson as result of a disagreement?

- Dragon

I’d say, “Watch out, young mother, you’re setting an example for your son that’ll come back to haunt you.” Why?

When children learn that it’s okay to sever family relationships over a squabble, the lesson also applies to situations with their own parent.

A teenager who chafes against curfews and chores, an adult son who feels his mother is interfering or disagrees with his choices… these are perfect candidates for telling Mom, “Back off, you’re acting just like you said Grandma did. Now I realize she was right, and you’re a control freak who I’m not going to listen to anymore.”

I’d add that grandparents can play an important role in children’s lives, bringing comfort to balance conflict. It’s an unwise parent who blocks that connection.

My boyfriend (eight months) and I fought because his ex-girlfriend called him. I’m jealous of their relationship, although he says they no longer talk. I don’t trust him, and think he sees her on the side. 

He spends most time with me, but sometimes has “things to do.” When questioned, he shuts me down.

Also, I talk to “certain individuals” that he wouldn’t approve of. But I’m not cheating.

- Jealous

You don’t respect his wishes, but demand that he respects yours. 

You insist that you’re not cheating, yet don’t trust that he’s not.

Result: You’re pushing him away – perhaps even pushing him right back to his ex-girlfriend, by trusting your jealous instinct far more than him.

Maybe you’re right. But if you’re wrong, you’re foolishly making it likely to happen. Give it a rest for several months.

If you still don’t trust him, break up. Before he runs away.