My girlfriend and I broke up a few months ago and are talking about trying again.  

I’d decided to move on because of her “baggage:” She has kids, I don’t; she’s carrying a lot of personal financial debt, I’m debt-free.

Her family and I don’t get along.

We get little alone time because of her responsibilities.

These things are all very stressful for us. Logically, we’re not a good fit.

However, being apart from her has proven to me that I do love her and miss her deeply. Our chemistry is incredibly strong.

She’s a good person and I love being around her. How does one know when no matter how much you love someone, the relationship can’t work?

We’re both scared, but we cannot seem to stay away from each other either.

- Confused

Thank heavens that chemistry can turn an odd-fit couple into enduring lovebirds, but not without huge effort at confronting your differences and staying determined to compromise for the sake of the relationship. 

Key questions you have to ask yourself: 1) Can you accept her children as “family,” and participate in the responsibilities for them?

2) Is she capable of learning to manage financially once her debts are lowered, and are you willing to help her get to that point?

3) Is your time together sustaining enough (beyond sex) that you can accept how limited it is?

She, too, has to weigh the differences between you. A renewed relationship has to mean you both understand what you’re taking on.

My husband of 15 years was my high-school sweetheart; he’s a good provider and father but I feel he’s unfaithful though he claims he’s only friends with his uncle’s stepdaughter. 

I checked cell phone records and was also told by his buddy that he’s having an affair with her. They both deny it but my husband has been caught in a lie when he’s said he hasn’t seen her, and did.

Since I’m uncomfortable with their friendship, why won’t he discontinue for the sake of respect, peace and our family? He says he loves me and wouldn’t leave me or get involved with someone like her (a tramp), but I know he’s lying.

I’ve developed feelings for someone else due to his actions but it’s not serious, it’s only because I’m hurting.

I don’t trust my husband and feel he doesn’t love me. He says mean things when I question him, then says he’s sorry, he’s going through something and I shouldn’t worry.

I want to do what’s right.

- Can’t Trust

Indulging yourself in “feelings” for someone else is NOT the right thing in this situation - it makes all your talk about trust fly back in your face. And, your justification that it’s because you’re hurt is as weak as your husband’s excuse. 

Talk to your husband rather than hurl accusations, which he’ll just deny. Say that you and the children deserve respect for your feelings, that his “friendship” with this woman is hurting you and creating gossip among his friends.

If he’s going through a hard time, he’d benefit from counselling, and you’d be happy to go with him in order to work together on your marriage.

You were both young and relatively inexperienced when you got together in high school – it’s not unusual that life changes sometimes evoke feelings of restlessness. If you don’t both deal with this difficulty between you now, you’re headed for further distancing and a marital disaster.

I’m 17, growing very close with a female friend. However, she’s in a very busy school program and has little time to socialize. 

We’ve had a discussion about possibly going out but she said she’d be a bad girlfriend because she wouldn’t have time for me.

Do you think a relationship between us could still work out?

- Anxious

Do you want a girlfriend so you can say you have one, or do you like and want to get closer with this particular girl? 

She’s being honest and you should respond similarly.

If you’re imagining regular dates, watching movies together, hanging on long phone conversations and getting cute text-messages throughout the day, you’ve got the wrong partner.

But if you care about her, enjoy sharing a quick chat even if she’s rushing off to study or work on a project, and are happy to see her whenever it’s possible, then go for it!