I’m 44, and she’s 36, a single parent with two children ages 14 and two.
We had a secret office romance over eight months. She ended it last April; we’re still friends and co-workers. I was devastated.
We did love each other, had instant chemistry, even planned to buy a house together.
I’m wondering what’s the best approach to getting back with her; the thought of moving on instead isn’t easy.
She fears getting hurt again because of her past relationships. She had so many things on her mind (e.g. a court date for more money from one of the two children’s fathers), she couldn’t concentrate on the relationship.
She could never get close with me as she couldn’t trust men. I supported her in taking baby steps to trust me.
I know she wasn’t seeing someone else when we broke up.
I met her children and get along with them, I’ve never married but love kids.
I suggested counselling but she wasn’t willing to go.
She says she’s happy being a single parent for the rest of her life.

- Messed up

Don’t push. She may well prefer to remain uninvolved for now, and if so, it’s something you have to accept.
She gave you strong clues that she’s not ready, not even for holding onto dreams of sharing a home with you.
The secrecy of your relationship, her lack of closeness, her preoccupation with crucial finances, all were signals that she’s dealing with big responsibilities alone.
Continue being friendly at the office – supportive when she’s willing to talk, but respectful of distance. It’s your only chance for having any kind of relationship now. Date others, too.
If there’s ever going to be a future for you two, it can only come after she’s seen you understand her enough to let her get on with her life as she currently chooses.

My husband’s family ridicules me and my housecleaning efforts; he doesn't like my family either.
We mostly attend every family function together, but with his side, I'm extremely nervous, and try to make everything perfect before we go.
Or, if we host an event, I’m a cleaning perfectionist maniac.
My family is holding a joint graduation party for my nephew and niece. I'm paying for the niece’s portion.
My husband gets frustrated at how hard I try to keep my family in contact versus my having panic attacks around his family.
Recently, he wanted to have a BBQ for them, but I didn't have time to get the house clean enough. His parents had the BBQ, we attended and everything was fine. Now, he’s going out of his way to miss this graduation party.
We don't have kids yet and I imagine it’ll be worse when we do.
Should I not be hurt by my husband’s absence? I’d love to skip his family parties… but I don’t.

- Divided

You’ve both set up a permanent conflict trigger over each other’s families, and allowed the resulting explosions to occur. Instead, you could be responding to these tempests as a team.
Confront your cleaning mania for the excuse that it is, to avoid having family over.
Hubby should be fielding rude criticisms from his family and also pitching in to make the place presentable, not “perfect.” He should NOT retaliate like a child, but rather help you with organizing this party.
When you two show you’re not easy for others to divide, you’ll get along better with both families.

I’ve been seeing a 10-years-older woman for three years, I love her but am wondering if I should end the relationship. Sexually, I’m bored silly. More and more, I don't get excited with her. Though sex is extremely important to me, it seems a shallow reason for ending it. We’ve talked about it, but it doesn’t get better.
I don't want to hurt her, we care so much for each other.
What are your thoughts on dumping for bad sex?

- Torn

Sexual skills are usually boosted through touch techniques, not talk.
“Dumping” someone you love is a crude ending, unless you’ve both made serious efforts to work on your sexual problem. She may be holding back internally due to anxieties, e.g. about the age difference or her past experiences.
Sex therapy together could prove very helpful, as could jointly reading sex manuals and spending more time on cuddling and foreplay.