I’ve been married to my wife for 15 years, we have two children.
She trusted me with our personal finances but I betrayed that trust. I used up our line of credit and all our credit cards in order to maintain a lifestyle that we were both accustomed to.
I kept telling her that everything was okay, for over a year; then my business went under so I was forced to confess the truth. This devastated her and shattered her trust in me.
We’ve re-mortgaged our home to pay off all our debts and she’s started to work part- time to help with expenses.
However, I think I've lost her for good. She’s angry with me all the time, and is very hurt and resentful towards me. I don't blame her, I set the family back. I love her and wish I could somehow regain her respect but it seems so difficult.
She’s asked me to be patient, and not to pressure her into forgiving and forgetting. This episode has also brought out some resentment from the past which involve my family, and I know that everything she’s feeling is justified.
I just don't know what to do.
- Money Mess
Show your wife how much you want to turn this setback around, and also repair your marriage, by going beyond the necessary, immediate “fixes.”
I recommend you both get financial counselling, learn how to budget for a lifestyle you can afford, and study ways to cut unnecessary or frivolous expenses.
Also, brainstorm together any opportunities for each or both of you to turn your skills and talents into income-producing consulting jobs or a home-based business.
Over time, you may both see this difficult period as a wake-up call not only about communication and trust, but also about working on family responsibilities, including finances, as a team.
My boyfriend and I had a compulsory long-distance relationship; we agreed to wait for each other for long-term plans. We’ve been apart for 18 months and the distance between us is vast.
He was initially altruistic, and planned to eventually come here to be with me. But for the past six months, we had less communication and less sharing.
Now, he wants to separate and says each of us should make our own life.
He said he likes me but doesn’t have strong feelings for me. I believe this is normal and we still can be together, but he disagrees.
I’m planning to visit him for a short term, but since he’s gong to be busy and doesn't want to have spare time for me, I only can see him for one week, evenings only. I love him but don't mind separating if he really doesn't want to be with me.
It’s obvious that no one could keep alive a relationship from this much distance but it’s unfair to lose a love only because of this.
- Mixed-Up in Manila
The visit is an emotional risk for you, but if love makes you willing to try a last-ditch attempt to rekindle this relationship, do so without huge expectations.
While it’s possible he’s downplaying his real feelings because he’s frustrated, it’s equally possible that he’s already turned to someone else. Or he wants to move on because such a long-distance relationship has proven unworkable.
If so, you’ll have to be the one to move, soon. It’s not about life being unfair. Rather, you two knowingly made a tough decision that needs re-working.
I started dating a recent widower 18 months ago.
His grown children know that their mother was planning a separation, but died suddenly.
I’ve not been properly introduced to them – they’re upset with their father about me.
His wife's clothes still remain in the house, but her immediate family offer him no help to pack up.
How can we, as a happy couple, get these adult children to give us a chance?
You’ve unwittingly given a focus to their grieving process – not only do they mourn their mother’s sudden passing, but also her past unhappiness. They need time to accept their father’s ability and need to move on.
He’s the one who must speak to them –gently - about wanting companionship, and finding it with you. They don’t have to love you, but he must insist that they be respectful.
If he can’t, only more time can help.
Tip of the day:
When a partner’s trust has been betrayed, it’s inevitable that other resentments will surface.