My friend’s going through a “silent break-up” after two years of a relationship which she thought was committed and going well.
She’s 42, and had a brief marriage years ago, no children. Her “soon-to-be ex” is around the same age, never married.
They weren’t living together yet though it seemed natural it’d happen soon. Until recently, when she believes that he showed his true stripes.
He suddenly informed her that he was going away the next day with a few guys, for some “project” … he wasn’t clear. She didn’t ask any questions because she wasn’t feeling that well.
The next morning, she phoned to say goodbye and told him that she wasn’t well. He quickly got off the phone.
She hasn’t heard from him again, a week later. She knows from social media that he’s back in town. Still, no contact.
She’s not calling/contacting him, either.
Personally, it seems illogical that he’d just ghost her after two years, but she says it doesn’t matter what his plan/excuse is. She’s not going to ask him.
I thought they were a very good couple, though she once said he could be somewhat self-centered.
Meanwhile, she’s a terrific woman, and this whole story seems very odd on both sides.
What do you think of her decision to not even try to find out why he’s gone silent?
Gone for Good?
She’s fuming, burning inside from the disrespect he’s shown her.
So, she’s gone silent too. They’re behaving like two small stubborn children who won’t give in because they have no skills for doing so.
What a way to end a two-year relationship - knowing nothing about why it’s happening, and both determined not to ask a simple, “Why haven’t you called?”
If neither can offer an explanation, then there’s only one conclusion:
Neither of them is willing or suited to maintaining a relationship if there are any snags.
But the life of any relationship has its difficult moments. No couples have a perfectly smooth ride. There are always small and bigger issues - whether through finances, family/children issues, job stresses, age changes, an affair…
Mature and loving couples can rise above such issues (though not all or many at the same time, which is when caring couples should seek professional help).
Otherwise, silence achieves nothing. Tell your girlfriend that.
Even if she learned that he went away with another woman and doesn’t know how to face your friend, that’s at least a fact she could chew on, then spit out and move on.
This way, all she’s got is silence. And stubbornness dug deeper for her next relationship. The same applies to him.
My friend lives where visitors have overtaken the locale, parks, beaches, bike paths, two-way roads (there are no sidewalks).
She now won’t leave her property. She keeps active by walking up and down her steps, doing online exercise classes, but stays on her property.
She fills her days with cooking, baking, online theatre, podcasts, keeping in touch with family and friends.
But I hear signs of depression and worry about her. Is her anxiety a common occurrence during Covid19?
Anxiety and depression are common by-products of the pandemic. Having a close, concerned friend like you to talk to and specific interests to occupy her are worthwhile.
But it sounds like she needs more direct contact with a mental health specialist. A quick online search for mental health help in her general location can connect her with a therapist, an emergency helpline, a free intake consult, etc.
FEEDBACK Regarding the 20-year-old daughter living at home with parents who are strict about pandemic rules (August 6):
Reader – “There’s no reason why she can't meet her friends in person, if maintaining distance with just one or two friends at a time.
“My 25-year-old daughter, who lives at home, has met a friend several times for a walk/hike in the woods or sitting outdoors (we’re lucky to have a backyard).
“The friend is meeting up with others and therefore a "risk." But, while we won't allow our daughter to meet up inside at either home, we felt okay with outside visits as long as both wore masks, which they agreed to do.
“While walking, they stay apart from each other and in case they get too close, they still have masks on.
“If you know with whom you’re dealing, there might not be a problem seeing people in person.”
Tip of the day:
In a relationship crisis, silence achieves nothing.