I'm 14 and a lesbian. I've had a crush on this FTM boy (female to male transgender) for 18 months, whom I’ve never met.

Right now he's a girl. My friend knows him and his girlfriend, and she isn’t someone who makes up bluffs.

I don't know where he's going for High School. I might never see him again.

Also, he's not comfortable being a female, and my sexual preference is females only. I've never felt attracted to males before.

I've been told by friends that love has no boundaries, and that sexuality is just who you are.

Over the school year, we'd been making consistent eye-contact in the hallways, and I'm not sure if he likes me or not.

He looks so happy with his girlfriend, and he flirts with her in front of me sometimes. I should've said Hi the first time I saw him.

I became intrigued, and now my eyes are constantly scanning the hallways. I'm scared that I'll never see him again.

I like to have control over my life, I have to keep things in check or I rip myself apart.

I know that I have so much ahead of me, but right now, this is what's happening

I need control. I need help.

Feeling Lost

You’re not “lost,” but you are feeling the pressures that some young teens face living in a complex environment.

You’re especially attracted to people who seem interesting and unique, and also busy managing your own identity.

It’s clear that you’re already a strong-minded person, but the drama of it all makes you feel helpless when you can’t control what’s happening.

You need someone you can talk to who has maturity, experience, and understanding.

If you have a parent who can be that guide, don’t hesitate to open up. You don’t have to handle all things on your own.

If not, talk to a school counsellor, trusted adult, or connect with someone at an agency that helps gay and lesbian youth.

PFLAG is an organization that can also help your parents understand you better. It promotes the health and well-being of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender persons, along with their families and friends.

FEEDBACK Regarding the former pro athlete who’s depressed (April 20):

Reader – “I’m a former international level Track & Field athlete who tried to recreate the joy of hurdling by coaching junior athletes.

“I forgot about the significant passage of time since my glory years and suffered a serious leg injury during a coaching session.

“I was a recreational distance runner at the time of my injury, an activity that was very important to me from a health, social, and stress-management perspective.

“I was advised by my doctor to get used to a new normal.

“Eighteen months later, I’m still adjusting.

“However, the most important piece of advice I got during my recovery was to manage the pain properly - take the proper drugs so that the body stops compensating for the injury and doing more damage.

“Once pain is managed, you can start to build up all the muscles and tendons around the injury to gain strength and start living again.

“I found another way to be useful and to enjoy the sport I loved. I became a Track & Field Official instead.

“Now, I’m close to the athletes down on the track and have found the perfect way to enjoy the sport, feel very useful, and learn something new.

“I won my province’s Novice Official of the Year Award for 2014.”

 

I’m 56 and dating a man, 58 whom I met online, for six months. He lives in another town. We see each other once weekly, chat on the phone four to five times weekly.
We began slowly and cautiously, both guarded. I was married 29 years, on my own for four years. He’s been married three times. We’ve admitted liking each other.
When we meet or part, it’s just a quick hug and peck on the lips, and then he backs away. I’ve said that I like spontaneous affection. I initiate any additional hugs.
I’m not looking to hop into bed, just want more affection. How do I see if this is agreeable to him?

Cool Reception

Keep hugging. Show him, rather than keep saying, that this is how you can both feel close and appreciated.

If he continues to resist, he may be a much cooler person than you can accept long-term.