I moved into a new apartment four months ago and was lonely as the building is in a different neighbourhood from my last home.
I was happy to meet a very friendly couple as they were moving into their new apartment directly across the hall from me. The husband had a ready smile and was already handily fixing things.
The woman’s outgoing, loves to take walks and chat, as do I. Days later, she knocked on my door and offered an extra ticket for a concert because her friend who was supposed to attend felt ill.
My neighbour then suggested we get something to eat together before the event. I thought it was great to have new neighbours so sociable, close by.
But that proximity has become a problem. I work from home, and so does my neighbour’s husband. The wife has a part-time job in the mornings but is free at all other times.
She’s looking for something to do and someone to do it with much of the time!
She can’t have a huge workload in the mornings, because she’s calling/texting me before noon and knocks on my door if I don’t respond right away.
Though I love walking and chatting, it’s becoming way too much togetherness for me!
But I don’t want to insult her because she doesn’t mean any harm, and as a couple they’re basically good people close at hand when I otherwise knew nobody in this building or neighbourhood.
I do have other friends in the old neighbourhood but this woman’s taking up all my free time.
I can’t handle so much contact with just one person. What should I do? How can I avoid someone directly across the hall?
Call her before she calls you. Tell her you’re seriously behind in your work and have to focus on it or risk your job. Then wish her a good week.
If she calls back in the next day or two, just say you’re deep in the work, and have to focus... you’ll call when you’re free.
And do so. They’re seeming nice people, and included you in a concert after only one meeting. Though she’s overly eager, she must be reasonable company when walking together.
Also, it’s good to have people close by who’d quickly respond if you needed help. Yes, she’s overly needy, but perhaps, unlike you, she doesn’t have other friends.
Meanwhile, periodically invite some former friends/neighbours to visit and go out with them to send a gentle signal.
My best friend who’s 28 and desperate to get married, says every date is The Guy. But her current boyfriend is so obviously not.
I joined them for a patio dinner and he kept looking at other women and making comments: About a woman’s “great sweater” (for the obvious reason) and said “love your outfit” to another woman in spiky-heels and thigh-high skirt.
My friend said nothing about his gross behaviour!
Unfortunately, I can’t speak negatively about him. She’s been jealous of me whenever I had previous boyfriends but I’m single now so she’ll think I like hers.
Do I just tell her she’s an amazing person who’ll definitely find the Right Guy if she stops wasting time with this one?
The Wrong Guy
Tell her why you think she’s “amazing,” and deserves the best long-time partner who adores her! Say nothing about this disrespectful guy... she’ll note the difference herself.
FEEDBACK Regarding the once good friend who kept visiting her unvaccinated/unmasked relative then became self-righteous when fully vaccinated herself (Oct. 28):
Reader – “Thank you for your response to the self-righteous friend, who said that “because of you and people like you, we have a pandemic.”
“I’ve had comments exactly like that said to me, and I have no further interest in having these people as friends anymore.
“Even someone close to me dismisses my perspective, saying that it's my not wanting to be around a self-righteous person that’s destroyed our friendship.
“Of course, this “close” person dismisses most everything I say. Thank you for confirming my belief.”
Ellie - It’s very hard sometimes to see the difference in the self-righteous approach of one group from the self-righteous approach of another.
What’s certain is that it’s very sad that so many people have died during this pandemic, despite the huge advances in science and medicine in recent years.
Tip of the day:
Never rush into a relationship just to have one. A man who deeply loves and respects you is worth waiting for.