My boyfriend and I have been together 14 years, living together for 10.
Whenever I raise the subject of marriage, he gets very excited and talks about it. Yet he’s never proposed. We have a son, age five.
He works hard, loves us very much, and loves spending time with us at home. We have a very comfortable life. All our family and friends are around us a lot.
We both work, with combined earnings over $100,000. We live in a tiny apartment with laundry facilities 20 floors down, and I want us to buy a house. He says he isn’t ready financially for the big responsibility of home ownership. He did agree to rent a townhouse.
When the owner asked for financial background checks, I learned that he’s a co-owner of three houses – one where his parents live, the others for his brother and his grandmother. All bought in the last eight years.
His name is on all these mortgages. He’s never mentioned any of this to me.
When confronted, he said he’s doing them all a favour and will never receive money from these houses.
Four landlords turned us down, considering this a shady situation. I was furious, but he won’t remove his name from these houses.
Recently, his father bought a new car, which I discovered belongs to my boyfriend though he doesn’t drive it. He also didn’t share this with me.
I’m now questioning our relationship, our life together, and our future. Putting all his other family first makes me want to walk out.
Very Disappointed and Lost
Once you know the truth, living with secrets and denials becomes intolerable.
Your boyfriend is neither open nor trusting of you. That makes him untrustworthy, too. You cannot be sure any more of what he says is real, a cover-up, an excuse, or a lie.
Depending on where you live, you have some common-law protections, but he’s prevented you from having shared assets.
Get pro-active on behalf of security for yourself and your son. Talk to a lawyer, and learn your rights.
Also, ask whether marrying him would put you in a worse position if these dealings truly are shady.
Your “very comfortable life” now has hurtful issues shadowing yet. You’ll have to decide if you can live with him as before, or cannot.
My mom left my dad when I was early-20s. He soon found a girlfriend (doesn’t do well alone).
However, though I tried to like her, this woman’s always treated me like a bratty kid in the way of her relationship with him.
I’m a married, well-educated, financially independent homeowner in my late 20s.
She makes snide comments about my dogs, even in my own home. She’s cut me off from the family cottage, which I’ve been going to since a youngster. She’s opinionated and judgmental.
Since their last visit, I’m consumed with anger and heartbroken about the damage I feel has happened to my relationship with my dad.
How do I deal with her in future? I’m not comfortable with confrontation and don’t want to hurt my dad.
Try to see your dad on his own, if that’s ever possible. Maintain an email relationship with him, but never badmouth her.
Ignore dog comments - she’s just poking a weak spot. When they visit, hire a dog-walker for the period of time.
Occasionally do something nice to disarm her – e.g. flowers for her birthday. Get tickets for something interesting and go out as two couples.
It’s the competition she fears, because she knows your father loves you.
I’m in my first year of middle school, in the same class as my best friend. We met a few other nice girls.
At first we didn’t hang out with them, then slowly we did. Now it seems that I’m invisible to them.
They’ve completely taken over my best friend. How do I get them to notice me and how do I get my best friend back?
Some friends can be very fickle, because they’re desperate to be popular. You’re not like that, you’re a loyal person who just wanted to get together with a good group.
Hold onto that value. You’re not invisible, but your best friend turned out to be insecure.
Tell her you hope that she isn’t relying on these girls, since they don’t have the bond you two once shared.
Then talk to other girls, and be open to other friendships. You’ll find other good people.
Tip of the day:
Secrets and lies eventually make a relationship intolerable.