Ten years ago I was engaged to the love of my life. Then one day he phoned me up and told me that he wanted to part with me. Although, I eventually re-married and had two beautiful kids, he's often on my mind and the grief returns periodically.

I sometimes wish that I had never met him as I've suffered so much emotional pain over him and still continue to do so.

Looking back I can see that differences in religious beliefs and lifestyle may have torn us apart, however, I guess I just feel that he at least could have confronted me face to face with his decision.

I never really had any closure as when I sent him back the ring he didn't even respond with a thank you or an "I'm sorry." This really damaged my self-esteem.

I gave my heart and soul to this man and all the while he was just another Casanova. How do I forget him and move on with the man who really has made my life complete?

Lifetime of Pain

You've spent ten years on "the story".... it's time to look at the facts: He was a cowardly rat. From the perspective of living a life with him, you're lucky it didn't happen.

It's the rejection that's devastated you, not the loss of this jerk. The way to forget him is to know there is NO closure other than acknowledging your own better choice in partner, and releasing the barriers to your self-esteem. You ended up in a far better place, so congratulate yourself.

If something's still holding you back, it's other "stories" from your past, other rejections or losses over which you had no control. You may need counselling to finally clear out the accumulated barriers to enjoying your own good fortune.

When my brother and I were motherless young teens we found it extremely difficult to get any approval from our father, who was devoted in a controlling sort of way, but also critical and distant.

Yet my brother was a gifted athlete, and I was a pretty fair academic. But one day a neighbour who was a high-ranking executive with children in our grades, and whose opinion carried weight with our father, happened to exclaim about all the awards I had collected at a junior high function, and about my brother's developing football skills.

For a time, at least, that neighbour made a huge difference in the way our father saw us, and it gave us quite a lift, in spite of our realizing it was all externally motivated.

But - here's the rub - I'm quite sure a woman's opinion would not have had nearly the same impact. Nor just any man's, either.

Thanks for sharing your experience of the past. It supports a more recent understanding that of an old principle, that it takes a village to raise a child.

Anyone can offer a word of encouragement, without being intrusive. Anyone acquainted with a family's situation - single parenthood, recent loss, economic difficulties, whatever - can provide a boost, whether it's a bit of praise for someone's child, or a meat loaf because you made "too much."

Yet, too often, people stay in their personal silos with the excuse of not "interfering," when often they can't be bothered or fear getting "involved."

You clearly never forgot that man's approval, which helped your self-esteem as much as it impressed your father. I believe a woman's praise would've also been appreciated, because you deserved it.

FEEDBACK Regarding the writer who's jealous of her sister (January 27):

Reader -  "I'd like 'Desperate' to know that her sister's life may look wonderful from the outside, but it doesn't mean she doesn't have her share of difficult times.

"I'm like that sister - the one who did well in school, got a great job right out of university. I, too, married a great guy and have three wonderful kids.

"My sister has no children, and a much lower paying job and has been outwardly jealous of me for most of our adult lives.

"However, I struggle with constant fatigue, the monotony of day-to-day life, and have little freedom to travel or do things I'd like to do. My point is that 'Desperate' shouldn't waste her energy comparing her life to her sister's because her sister's life may not be as wonderful it seems."

Another "Perfect" Sister