I’m 37, male, single, working in the automotive business with both a full-time and part-time job.
I’ve only ever had a few dates and have never had a serious relationship.
Due to low self-esteem, I retreat from asking out women whom I’m interested in or find attractive.
Five months ago, at a friend’s birthday party, I saw a woman whom I found incredibly attractive.
I introduced myself, started a conversation, and things seemed to be going well.
Then I asked if she'd like to have a drink or a coffee together sometime. She responded, "Oh no, I could never be seen with someone like you. I’m way out of your league!"
I was incredibly embarrassed. I told my friend I wasn't feeling well and went home early.
Since then, I haven't been able to approach anyone again.
I’m unsure where to begin repairing the damage done to my self-esteem.
That woman was beyond rude and unattractive at heart.
There’s a powerful lesson here: Anyone whose only attribute is outward appearance isn’t worth your time.
Lacking the decency to simply say she’s “too busy,” she’s the one with a terminal problem:
She’s unlikely to ever know real love, because she’ll always be weighing its value, looking for something better.
You have a far better chance at finding a loving partner, because low self-esteem is surmountable.
Perhaps it comes from past experiences when growing up, such that it delayed your learning the highs and lows of young relationships.
Now, you’re at an age of maturity with enough general experience to know you can make changes within yourself, with the necessary guidance.
See a professional counsellor about your feelings of low self-esteem. (Sessions are possibly paid for through your full-time job contract.)
Once you learn how you can focus on who you are today, you’ll find the confidence to choose women based on their interests, personalities, and warmth.
Remember: It always takes time to get to know people, unless, like that woman, they reveal their miserable natures immediately.
I’m a girl in my first relationship. We’re both 21.
I never previously had positive experiences with boys. Most of them either trapped me in a car or forced themselves onto me. I don’t think I’ll heal from those experiences.
This boyfriend and I clicked through having long conversations about everything from politics to school and dreams/aspirations.
He immediately understood why I’m reluctant to have sex or even make out, so he takes his time.
He’s a genuinely nice person.
But, according to him, last year he remembers one time, under the influence of alcohol, he may have slapped or grabbed a random girl’s ass without consent in a night club. He says he feels guilty about it.
I don’t know what to do or say because of my past ill luck with boys.
Confused About “Boyfriend”
One of the positive impacts of today’s #MeToo climate is on young males now questioning their past behaviour with females and struggling with how to handle their awareness of guilt.
His admission to you shows he truly understands the crucial importance of consent in a relationship.
But that’s not yet enough for either of you. He needs to make amends.
Even if he can’t remember the “random” girl and can never apologize directly to her, he CAN make amends in a variety of ways: 1) Speaking out if friends disrespect women/girls in language or actions; 2) being politically active on gender equality in school, the workplace, and politics.
My husband is in jail and keeps asking me when we’re on the phone to masturbate because he thinks it means I won’t cheat.
I don’t like that and get mad but then he accuses me of mentioning other guys’ names (I don’t) and we have terrible fights on the phone.
My family gets angry about how he’s treating me which only adds to my stress.
I’m out here looking for a place for us and our kids alone, for when he gets out. I do love him but I don’t know why he’s acting like this now. I feel nasty if I do what he asks. I never did play with myself like that before.
Stressed from Fighting
You’re both suffering during his jail time, and he’s afraid he’ll lose you. It may be kinder to him and yourself, to just say, “Okay,” to what he asks and not do it.
Tip of the day:
Never let a near stranger’s demeaning rude remarks define you.