I met a co-worker, we started talking and I became attracted to his personality. Out of the blue he mentioned that he and his wife had “an understanding.”
He then started to do those things people do to get you interested - the gentle touching, teasing, talking up close to you, and the eye contact.
One day I asked him to clarify his marital “understanding.” He became defensive and said he was just making the point that his marriage wasn’t traditional.
He then said he didn’t feel comfortable discussing it with his co-workers. I became more standoffish.
So, he went back to playing the little tricks and invited me to lunch. The mixed signals bothered me because I’m straightforward. If he didn’t want to discuss his personal life, he shouldn’t have mentioned it.
Now I don’t mind the married part as long as it’s out in the open with his wife.
But I don’t know if he IS interested in me. Was I wrong to think that he is?
You seem to consider romantic/sexual “interest” as being entirely up to him.
If he wants a relationship with you, and really has a non-trad marriage, it’s fine with you.
No worries if his statement was part of the “teasing” of a classic come-on.
Well, I think you should worry, because this guy is just casting about for a quick fling (unlikely his first).
He knows the lines too well – “we have an understanding,” He “doesn’t feel comfortable talking about it” (though he raised it). Mixed signals… then, “Lunch?”
This isn’t a lightning-bolt attraction that just happened. He’s got a practiced con, and you’re setting yourself up for public embarrassment at work when he moves on, back to his wife.
Have lunch with a friend instead.
Dear Readers – So many of you responded regarding the man, 57, who “can’t find a woman to date because he looks much younger than his age” (March 29), that I took a closer look at the trials of dating in one’s 50s.
Neither young nor seniors, many find it a frustrating time for making long-term connections. They want sex, but they also want sensitivity and security.
Reader #1 – “I’m in my 50's, single for four years, and can't find someone my age who isn’t ready to sit out his days in a rocking chair or, the other extreme of acting like 21 forever.
“Most men interested in me are usually in their mid-to-late-30's. Their stamina’s great but when you’re seeking substance, stamina only goes so far.”
Reader #2 – “How can I meet solid, well-adjusted men who aren't looking for a caregiver? I'm sure they’re out there but where are they hanging out?”
Reader #3 – “I almost made it to the Olympics when I was a young man and still have washboard abs. And I completed an MBA degree two years ago.
“Yet at 59, I haven’t had a date in over three years. I socialize often, I join things, volunteer, but on dating sites, I get tons of hits from women over 65. A woman, age 52, told me emphatically that I was WAY too old.”
Ellie – From research, and readers’ comments, I learned this: Men and women in their 50s approach dating from wanting a fresh start.
It’s often more complicated now, by responsibilities for kids, grandkids, and aging parents.
Many remain interested in sex (even if some health conditions make it more difficult). Financially, they want someone who can carry his/her own share.
But mostly, they want to love and be loved.
Reader #4 – “For the young-at-heart, we 50-plus’ers go dancing at singles’ dances around our city.
“I met my current boyfriend dancing, besides also having a good time, meeting people and making friends.
“Like myself, my friends are drugs-free, have a good sense of humor and look younger than our biological age.
“I don't trust online dating but I'm not against it. There are plenty of women out there if the 57-year-old guy is open to try dancing.”
Ellie – Obviously, there are still upbeat singles in their 50s determined to have fun. They may be hoping to find romance but they’re not sitting at home just daydreaming about it.
It’s all about trying something new, like dancing, or getting back to it and any other activity you used to love but let slide from your busy life.
Remember, when you’re visibly enjoying yourself, you attract others to join in and share the good times.
Tip of the day:
Don’t fall for someone’s practiced cons.