My brother had to go away for work, for a few months, which was planned before he met his recent (new) girlfriend. She knew of his plans from the day she met him, so their entire relationship sort of had an expiration date built in. However, when the time came, they decided to stay together and do the long-distance thing. I was surprised but said nothing.
She came over the other night because he had sent something home for me that I had requested and inside was a small gift for her. So, I called her and she popped by. She was sweet and normal, but – I got a strong vibe that she’s going to break up with him while he’s still away.
Do I warn him? Or keep my mouth shut?
Sister’s Secret
This is a tough call because I can feel that you are very close to your brother and probably want to protect him. However, you don’t really know what his girlfriend is thinking, so you don’t want to jump the gun.
Long-distance dating is hard. I know. I’ve done it. And yes, nowadays you can talk freely on WhatsApp, send messages for free, post photos so you can see what the other person is doing and be far more connected than ever before thanks to technology. But you still can’t touch, hug, kiss or feel each other, and that wears a person down.
Maybe they have a plan to meet somewhere, or she’s going wherever he is for a visit. But even if that’s not on the schedule, don’t say anything. Let them figure out the course of this relationship. It’s theirs to make or break.
If you’re right and she does break up with your brother, just be there for him, however that looks. Don’t tell him you saw it coming. That won’t make him feel better. Just be supportive and loving.
I have four children. My husband and I laboured over names with the first, not knowing the gender, and trying to honour everyone in both of our families. We did the same with the second and they both have elaborate, interesting, explainable names.
And then I unexpectedly got pregnant, surprisingly with twins. Running after two toddlers, I was exhausted. And my husband was working two jobs while he could pad our bank account. So, when these two arrived, we were both spent. For whatever reason, we gave them both the most simplistic, basic names. And now we regret our choices.
Is it weird to change our babies’ names after the fact?
What’s in a Name?
To answer your moniker, a lot! People change their names all the time! Women are STILL expected to change their last name to their husband’s when they marry, and that’s huge! Many women don’t want to, and it can become a point of contention between the two.
People often have nicknames as children, only to take the “adult version” on when they grow up. How many Bobby’s become Robert, or Ricky becomes Richard? Lots of people choose their middle names over their first names, for whatever reason.
One of my cousin’s was called a different name by each parent, until they could settle on one (the other got relegated to middle). So yes, you can absolutely change your children’s names. But your husband must agree. I think you’re lucky; you get to really look at these children and give them a name that suits; a name that fits their face and personality, no matter that they are still tiny babies.
And if anyone asks, just own it: “We were exhausted, physically and mentally and couldn’t think. Now we have.”
FEEDBACK Regarding screwed up (Jan. 15):
Reader – “I am sure I am not the only one who is thoroughly disgusted. Clearly, he has not done his work and become a 'better person' because if he had done so, he would have realized his selfishness destroyed his marriage, his relationships with his in-laws and most importantly his children all because he 'really liked someone.’ He still sounds immature and selfish and shows no insight into the irreparable damage he has caused. It makes me so cross to think that he believes he is now worthy of everyone taking him back.
“I’ve been through this before, so the letter probably hit a sensitive nerve with me reading it first thing this morning!”
Lisi – I agree with you. That’s why I told him to walk away (except from his kids). He’s caused enough pain to others. There are consequences for bad behaviour.