I’m 38; my girlfriend and I are getting married in spring in a very non-traditional way, and my traditional parents have turned up the heat, including arguments about my not visiting more often. They live 500 miles away; I’ve visited them twice but they keep canceling visits here. 

My fiancée wants me to put my foot down on their complaints but I don’t need their approval, so why bother? But it does get to my fiancee because she’s not used to dealing with people like this.

I say if we’re a united front and happy together, then nothing else matters.

- Frustrated in Oakville

Sorry, but you’re NOT a united front, which is why your fiancée can’t just ignore your parents. But your distancing from the problems leaves her out in the cold.  

Visit your parents with your fiancee to demonstrate your united front, and to also show respect for them, which is what they’re seeking.

If they raise contentious matters, say firmly that the two of you have already made those decisions but look forward to their presence at the wedding.

If you do nothing else, at least show your partner support by talking to your parents about your not accepting constant criticism.

Over the two years with my boyfriend, he’s cheated on me; at least eight girls have told me he’s been coming on to them, asking to hook up, meet them somewhere, asked them out, etc. He even told an engaged girl he had feelings for her, and that when she breaks off with her fiancé, he’ll break up with me. 

When I learned this, he’d deny it, become defensive, but then finally broke down and explained that he loves me and wants to marry me, but he was sexually assaulted as a child, causing him to be insecure with his sexuality. He never told his parents, as it was one of his relatives.

Finally, I went to break up with him, but his parents saw how upset I was and he broke down and told them what happened. Since then he’s vowed to not cheat again.

Five months later, I’m incredibly insecure in our relationship. He hates talking about it, and just wants to move on.

- Stuck on His Past

His explanation was serious, and I believe sincere… but his turnaround can’t end with a confession. He MUST seek professional therapy for his sexual abuse, which had such a profound, lasting effect on him. He’s made a pattern of constantly seeking confirmation of his manliness, and that won’t disappear easily. 

Marriage holds many challenges, and it’s during hard times that old wounds open up again. If you have down times between you, difficulty getting pregnant, or he faces job troubles, the old insecurity may emerge.

He needs to deal with his hurt from the past and get fully comfortable that it was not his fault and has no reflection on his sexuality.

Unless he‘s willing to go through a full process of therapy, you can’t be sure of his ability to stay committed.

I’m a woman in my 50s, recently involved with a young man in his 20s who says he loves me. 

We’ve been together four times.

I’m desperate for a relationship.

Can I trust him?

- Hopeful

Enjoy whatever is equal between you in feelings; however, if he relies on your ability to pay for things, or on your introducing him to a worldlier lifestyle, it’s unlikely to last.

I’ve recently discovered that my husband of 24 years looks at porn regularly. 

When confronted, we argued, and I hoped it would stop.

He goes on the computer when I’m out of the house, in the shower, or sleeping.

On weekend mornings, after he’s been on the computer, he looks for sex from me.

Am I wrong to feel insulted and angry?

What do other women suggest?

- Feeling Anxious

If it didn’t cause you to feel distrustful and anxious, you might be able to accept that he feels he needs the stimulation, in order to perform. 

It’s not MY cup of tea, either, but that doesn’t mean that some couples don’t work out their own ways to keep their sex life alive.

However, if you hate it, try to get his explanation, rather than argue about it. Be prepared for how far you’re willing to go with an ultimatum.