My father and his brother are both alcoholics. They get aggressive and mean when they drink, and have ruined every family event I can remember by lecturing and insulting everyone else. My family's way of handling it is to pretend that the problem doesn't exist. I once tried to encourage them to get help, but was accused of "starting trouble."

I'm getting married this summer and am terrified that they're going to ruin our wedding, and embarrass me in front of my fiancé's family. We're not serving any alcohol at the reception, but I know they'll still get drunk - they always do.

I don't want to tell them not to come because I really want my dad to be there on our special day. I guess I can't have it both ways.

Apprehensive

Dad must be there, for sure, and likely so must your uncle, so prepare your fiancé's family ahead. Say you love your father and that he's been a fine parent but for a drinking problem that emerges at family events, and you're planning to try to avert any disasters.

Then enlist a couple of your relatives who know it's a problem to expect - perhaps your uncle's son, and/or son-in-law or some other strong younger males - to be ready to remove either men, or both, if they become too rowdy.

Even before that state - say, after the ceremony and early part of the reception - you could arrange for them to be escorted home where they can celebrate together, but away from creating awkward, uncomfortable scenes.

My former roommate would often leave for days on end, with her dishes undone, plus her smelly clothes, towels, and personal items left strewn about our apartment. Not to mention the boyfriend she left in her room sleeping all the time. (He was unstable, had numerous outbursts of rage, one of which involved police being called to get him to settle down or take him away to jail).

Finally, after I'd injured myself at work, and stayed at my parents' place (which was closer to the physio I needed), we'd stop in and I was mortified by the mess, especially when my mother would take it upon herself to clean it.

So I left a message for my roommate to call. When her siblings asked what was wrong, I said it wasn't working out. The following day she was gone, and harsh words were said to me.

I'm related to her so have to come into contact sometimes. She's always rude or avoids me, though I smile and wave - yet I'm told by relatives that I'm being rude to her! I'm getting sick of being attacked when I did nothing wrong. How can I get her to lay off and get people to stop thinking I'm the bad guy?

Wrong Victim

Take the high road. By saying nothing when they make comments, you leave it open to their re-thinking. Just smile and walk away, adding more mystery to what really happened. Anyone who knows her enough to care, has seen evidence, or will soon discover that she's a sloppy person with a crummy boyfriend who would be a nightmare for anyone to have around.

Meanwhile, you'll emerge as discreet and thoughtful by comparison, for not bad-mouthing her. Besides, everyone really knows that being roommates requires two people to get along, and splitting up takes two roomies to not "work out well," just as you said.

We have a blended family all living together. My daughter has done a lot of things that weren't right, but I think she's learned better. His children give a lot of attitude; I hear it and see it when he's away at work.

Yet when there's an issue, it's my daughter who gets in trouble; he believes his children just wouldn't do that, even though I've observed it over and over. What do I do?

Different Standards

Stand up for your daughter, don't be cowed. A blended family must give equal treatment to all the children. Make sure your house rules are clear, and that the kids have been told them in front of both of you, and know you'll both uphold them.

Either he accepts that - and acknowledges that his kids can also be troublesome, and he must believe you - or this situation will tear you two apart.