I've known my husband for six years (married for four). He accuses me of "not standing by him" because I don't want to translate some of his sentences into English, when he wants to complain to shop assistants, and customer service people.

I think these would be offensive, he'd be rude, and it wouldn't help his case. He's verbally abusive (e.g. calls me a "jerk," and "idiot") and when I said this hurts me, he doesn't care - he ridicules me. When we met, we had similar values; but three years ago his thinking changed. Now his ideas and way of thinking are unacceptable for me (180 degrees turn).

Is a change of values a reason for divorce, or am I overreacting?

Different Values

If you don't respect your partner, feel polarized on values, and also find him abusive, these are reasons for not wanting to spend your life together.

But, since he changed several years ago, the initial attraction and compatibility are worth your trying to discover why, and whether there's hope for a re-connection.

He sounds angry and frustrated, so it might have to do with his job, his language problem, and changes in your dynamic since marrying (e.g. if you're the bigger breadwinner and it goes against his background and expectations).

You'd both benefit from counselling (found through the Yellow Pages, psychology and therapy associations, etc.), but if he won't go, you still should.

The guy I like at school is going out with my best friend, even though he was leading me on; my dad is never home; my mom gets stressed too often; my brother is freaking annoying, and my sister is hiding things from everyone on the Internet. I'm the only sane person in my family.

What do you do if everything you love comes back and stabs you in the heart? I've been waiting all month to turkey hunt for the first time, but my dad is out of town and keeps blowing me off. At first we were going to leave Wednesday night, then he called and said Thursday morning, now it's Friday. I am pissed! I've done all my make-up schoolwork, prepared, and packed everything. I won't be surprised if we don't hunt at all.

I vowed to myself to never get too attached to anything because all it does is sneak up behind me and stabs me in the back.

Sacramento Teenager

I'm betting, based on experience, that your dad's just as annoyed as you are. He'd undoubtedly prefer to go off on this hunt than keep being held back by work and responsibilities. He keeps phoning to say it'll happen, and to reassure you, which shows his feelings for you.

Unfortunately, some work just can't be put aside.... though if he knew how deeply you feel the loss of his company, he'd surely try. When you get out on that hunt, tell him you're missing him, and also some of your doubts about attachment to people and things.

Teenage is a tough time, everyone knows that... you have some adult yearnings for love, but lack the experience and stability of mature years to handle all the emotions. Even though your mom's stressed, she too, may be able to talk to you about this, if you ask her to give you the time when you can.

School counsellors can also be helpful sometimes, and other older people whom you trust such as a relative, when you need to talk to someone.

I'm Muslim, in high school. I'm quite proud of my religion. But, my oldest sister is pressuring me to wear the hijab (head scarf) right away. I didn't want to start so late in the school semester. She doesn't agree and is still pressuring me.

Dilemma

Ask her to please stop pressuring and explain why the rush as opposed to waiting till you had planned. She likely has reasons, and you should hear them out. Also, find out if your parents are asking her to get you to do this sooner than later. If so, and since you were going to wear it anyway, it may be easier on you to go ahead.

But if you have strong reasons why you're delaying this move, talk to your parents and sister and discuss it. They may not agree, but you'll have aired your view, which may allow for some compromise.