My mother-in-law only puts a small drop of milk in my tea, even though she knows I like my tea with a lot of milk. But SHE likes her tea this way, and forces it on me!

It may sound like nothing, but she's a difficult woman who never listens to what others think or want, and this is just one of the things she does that drives me crazy.

My husband won't even discuss the tea issue with me, because he thinks I'm being petty, but it's how she treats me... that anything I prefer doesn't matter. I now dread going to her house and having her make that cup of tea!

How can I resolve this relationship for my husband and children's sake, and get my mother-in-law to accept me as I am?

So Frustrated!

Get up from your seat and get more milk. If she protests, smile and say you don't wish to bother her, but you only drink your tea this way. Repeat as needed.

If you truly wish to improve the relationship, invite her to your home as well and serve the tea, noting "and here's just a drop of milk, just as you like it," while then pouring more milk for yourself.

Your husband's trying to avoid the obvious: His mother's attempting to bully you, albeit in subtle ways. This is no tea party; it's a power struggle.

But try some compassion here. Many mothers fear they're "losing" their son to his wife. By trying to get you to adopt her taste, she's showing her own insecurity. Find something about her that you do like, and say so - her orange pound cake recipe? - and she'll hopefully care less about your tea.

FEEDBACK Regarding the man who's ended his relationship with his "toxic" father (Jan. 26), a reader writes:

Reader - "Congratulations to this man for his courage. I, too, decided around 40 to no longer continue a relationship with my father. His father had been the same as him. Children learn from their parents.

"But I did use a therapist, and it wouldn't have been possible without her. She guided me through the grieving process, helped me with my anger, and watched over me as I slowly helped my children understand why this man was no longer in our lives. It wasn't quick. And at times, it wasn't easy.

"But I'm a much better, and no longer angry father, husband and friend. My children see the big picture, and as a result, the pattern of abuse stopped here. And that is something of which I, and your previous writer, should be very proud."

Been There

And from another reader on this topic:

Reader - "The man venting about his toxic father, as you noted, hasn't been able to let go of the hurt. My two sisters and I severed all contact with our brother, who's toxic, 30 years ago after our mother's funeral.

"It's wonderful to be surrounded with long-time friends and rarely think of my brother and the pain he caused us and our mother.

"I cannot understand why so many of your readers want to have a relationship with people who hurt them. The world is full of wonderful people ready to be friends and share one's life and be role models for one's children. It is not so bad for children to learn that if anyone is mean and hurtful they can be discarded."

I'm 32, and after a long time of trying to have a baby, l got pregnant last year. I was so excited! However, at seven months l had some complications and lost the baby.

A month later my boyfriend of seven years left me for another woman. Now I feel like I'm losing my memory. I can't concentrate or focus on my future or whatever I'm doing. How can move on with this burden?

Heartbroken

You're understandably grieving two major losses - the child you wanted so dearly, and your partner. Don't add to your stress by blaming yourself for being distracted, your reactions are natural for these circumstances.

Grief counselling will help you accept the process of dealing with hurt, and sadness, and beginning to heal. Given the change in your expectations and routines, you should stay with the therapy until you feel strong and confident to move on with your life.