My good friend had an affair for several years. When her husband found out, she ended it, but awhile later, picked back up with the same man and left her husband.

She has four wonderful children, who were happy and thriving while she was still married. However, now that she's with the "other man," they've become sullen, angry, and detached from their mother.

Her new man is extremely immature, demanding, and constantly makes her put him above her children. I've told her that her first priority should be her kids, and helping guide them through the divorce. Also, that she should focus on them even if that means ending her new relationship.

I'd hate to see her lose the respect and relationship with her children for this man. Do you think my advice is right?

Questioning in Carmel, California

Yes, you're right, but that doesn't mean she'll listen to you. So, try another approach. For whatever reason - perhaps a great passion, or just escape from a husband she didn't love - she's caught up with this new guy, and you won't "detach" her from him by lecturing her.

Instead, suggest ways she can help her children adjust.  Help her see that it's also in the interest of her relationship to do this, so they can all be more comfortable with the new situation.

Explain that it's common that children need counseling to deal with the changes of divorce, with understanding that they're not the cause of the break-up, and with any fears that Mom's new man doesn't like them or is supplanting them in her life.

If you show compassion for her and then focus on the children's needs, rather than disapproval of her behaviour, you lead by example. Hopefully, she'll see that you have all their interests at heart, and get the message to start looking for ways to re-connect with her children and help them through all this.

I'm 25, recently graduated university, with a new job. I still live with my parents, as I was recently diagnosed with cancer.

I've been arguing with my mother a lot, with yelling and screaming at each other. I end up having anxiety attacks. We say things we regret, and when I apologize, my mother responds that I'm abusive.

I'm just as hurt that she doesn't understand how my anxiety is affecting me. I've told her that her not listening is a trigger for me, but she still does the same things that set my anxiety attacks off.

I'm starting to see a hospital-appointed therapist to help me deal with my cancer diagnosis, and my psychological state, but things at home are deteriorating. How can I fix them?

Frustrated and confused.

The same anxieties about cancer and how to live with the diagnosis as well as the disease have your mother fearful and hurting, too. You're both lashing out at each other in order to avoid breaking down and crying together.

This is natural, and your therapist will undoubtedly have experience talking about this frightened and counter-productive family dynamic with other cancer patients. Tell her about it. Ask if your mother can also see her on her own, so she can ask the questions she won't want to ask in front of you.

If that's not part of this therapist's mandate, ask for referral to someone who deals with families facing cancer. Also, check the web sites of cancer associations to see what family support groups are available locally.

My husband's a workaholic - he always comes home late, stressed, and worn out. At night, he's always checking our accounts and worrying about money.

If he's had a bad day at the office, he's like a prickly porcupine to our kids and me. So what's the answer for us?

Fed Up

Try to arrange some relaxed family weekends, to balance his workweek. When he's in a good mood, tell him you miss him when he overworks and you worry about his health, for the long-term. Also, point out how much the kids appreciate it when he's with them and having a good time.

Suggest that you both look at whether there are some ways to cut costs and help him work less, especially if his money worries are valid. However, if workaholism is in his nature, he won't change unless he wakes up to what HE is missing. Counselling can help.