I've been dating a lady for several months. Initially, there was intimacy, but no longer any intimacy.

Although I've never paid attention to other women or given her any reason for mistrust, she doesn't trust me, and is constantly looking for excuses to end the relationship.

She seizes upon any comment that could be interpreted as negative and gets very angry.

She just told me she hates her father and can't forgive him for the way he treated her as a child. Is there any point in continuing the relationship if she refuses to address the impact of her relationship with her father on us?

Frustrated

The short answer is No.

Sometimes, the "elephant in the room" is actually a wall. She puts one up when men get too close. You've hit that wall. And she doesn't want you to get past it.

Gently share your feelings and perceptions as you close the door. Tell her she'll continue to push men away unless she deals with her unhappy father-daughter memories, with professional help. And you'd be happy to date her again after she undergoes therapy about it, for her sake, as well as for a chance at a healthy relationship that includes intimacy.

However, if she prefers to have hit-and-run relationships and end up alone, she's doing all the right things, and you're best off to go your own way.

I'm the eldest child of seven and married nine years ago. My sister's getting married soon and is an emotional wreck. She's decided to walk down the aisle by herself because we grew up with verbal and physical abuse. I met my husband shortly before my parents separated and he witnessed us being abused by both parents.

We then lived with my mother who's constantly the angry victim. She walked me down the aisle because my father was "missing" and because she felt entitled. She's now demanding that she escort my sister and that our father cannot attend.

He recently broke ten years of silence to my husband and me about why he behaved as he did, essentially blaming my mother for him abusing us. Now my husband considers himself "the voice of my father." He's demanded to know why my sister isn't allowing my father to give her away.

He grew up in a nice, normal family but my sister still isn't at peace with her past. Is my husband right? Should we grow up and forget the torture, humiliation, and neglect? Should my husband even comment on this? The drama's bringing back too many painful memories.

In Turmoil

Sis should consider eloping. Unless she's capable of standing up to her mother and your husband, and going with her plan to walk down the aisle herself. Or with you, her main support.

When parental abuse persists poisonously and painfully through childhood, adult children have every right to protect their emotional wellbeing.

Thank your husband for trying to create a picture-perfect wedding scene - he means well. But "growing up" isn't about faking it. It's about knowing how to take care of you when necessary and stop the drama.

Why do people let their large dogs jump all over visitors? I like dogs generally, but don't appreciate the unexpected impact of a hundred-pound leap. The dog-owners in mind are friends, so what can I say?

Overwhelmed

Say, "Please hold onto Bruno, I'm coming over." These are friends, so treat them as such. Tell them you appreciate Bruno's enthusiasm but you're uncomfortable with the heavy hello.

Dating in your 40s (and beyond) is a gruesome nightmare. I speak from experience (past and current!). I was once on a third date with a man who in his online dating profile had listed himself as separated. I assumed that meant not living together.

No. They were still living together, but he informed me, they weren't having sex. Well, I replied, you just described a lot of marriages. And I stopped dating him.

One of the pitfalls of dating in this age group is the number of people who think they are "single" or even "separated" but are still legally wed to someone else and are still living at the same address.

And my personal experience is that, despite people's assurances that the marriage is "long over", they still have lots of healing and issues to work through. They are not dateable.

Word from the Dating Wars