Our boss - divorced, wealthy - is smitten with a beautiful blonde dancer, 20 years his junior. They live together part-time and commute between two cities.
At a recent function, she came on to my "date" (a casual friend), suggesting they "hook up" and go to Mexico for fun in the sun. There's been contact since, and my friend's seriously considering it. I tried to dissuade him but he says, "She's too hot to resist." He's a player, like her.
I'm concerned about the boss, as he's so gullible and has had mental health issues in the past. It's easy for her to dupe him. Should I say anything or let things unfold and unravel?
Of Two Minds
It'll be hard enough to look the fool, without your boss hearing it from an employee. On one hand, many readers who've written me about having been cheated on, say they wish they'd received an "anonymous letter" so they could've known sooner.
On the other, your worries are well founded. If this man has suffered mental health problems, knowing that others are aware he's being deceived could affect him badly.
The unpredictable thing about human nature is this: She may be a "player," yet she may also care for your boss. He may be gullible, but also realize she's "hot" and likely to cheat...and doesn't want to know.
So, it's usually best to let other people's lives "unfold" as they will. BUT, you can help your boss avoid STD's by talking firmly to your friend about taking precautions. And tell him that you resent his going off with your boss' girlfriend (and you should!) Say he should "play" in someone else's workplace, not yours.
I've been in a long-term gay relationship for eight years. My partner's kind, considerate, sweet and caring. I love him but more like a brother. We have a good life but our sex life is non-existent. I have medical problems and rely on disability payments, so finances are tight.
Recently, I started chatting daily with a male who lives ten hours away. He's also in a "mainly friends" relationship. We've both professed love.
I'm 49 and feel like a teenager in love. It's unbelievable the attraction we have even though we haven't met in person. His partner and mine are unaware of this connection. He's pursuing me to meet him in person.
However, if things took off it'd be devastating to my partner. Our lifestyle would change, not to mention the financial implications.
I know this is emotional cheating but it's almost unbearable to think of this new man not in my life.
What should I do?
Speak up - to your partner. You have too much concern for his well being, to not alert him that you've met someone through a chat line, and need to meet in person.
Your partner's aware that passion's missing in your relationship, so he won't be that surprised that an attraction has unsettled you.
Then, openly meet the new guy - without rushing into any future plans. Get to know his lifestyle, friends, tastes, etc.
This can be accomplished if you visit his city for a few days, and thoughtfully examine what he does, rather than just what he says. He may be all that you imagine.... or not.
It'll be hard for your partner to accept, but a lot better than moving into a full-on affair deceitfully, and then getting caught or suddenly announcing that you're leaving him.
My close friend's been married for two years to a man who's an alcoholic and never makes love. They're both mid-30s. She knew he drank a lot but thought it was only because they were dating and out a lot socializing. But he drinks every night, and days too, and stopped having sex soon after the wedding.
I've told her repeatedly to leave him, when she asks my advice. What do I say now?
Change the topic. You need only say, beforehand, that she already knows what you think, and you believe she'll leave him when she's ready. Or, you also know she may choose to live miserably with him.... and that's her right to do so.
Add that you wish to remain close, supportive friends, but there's nothing more for you to say about this situation. So she should stop mentioning it to you, unless she's doing something about it.
Tip of the day:
Tell a cheater how you feel about his/her behaviour that hurts someone you care about.