My husband of 30 years no longer wants to have a relationship with me, other than as roommates. He feels that financially it’s in both our interests to stay in the same home.

Another woman’s involved, although he says the relationship isn’t physical, just strong emotional dependency. He wants to see her while still married to me, and living in the same home. He attends her family functions.

He has a list of things that I’ve done to hurt him over the years. He’s now just revealed this. I admit that I’m culpable for certain things and wasn't always easy to live with, but he wasn't either. Yet he feels blameless.

I’ve offered to try and revive our marriage, get counselling, go on date nights, whatever it takes, but he’s no longer interested in me. I said if that were the case, he’d have to leave our home. He’s very argumentative about not going and doesn't see what’d be wrong with such an arrangement.

Our young adult kids don't know what’s going on and will be devastated.

Sick at Heart

Straighten your spine, get to a lawyer, talk to a financial advisor, and sign on for your own counselling sessions.

Even if he has good reasons for distancing, you don’t have to accept his plan. It may seem financially “beneficial” but it can be emotionally destructive to you – visibly shunting you aside. You’ll be tied to him while he does whatever he chooses.

Create a new phase of your own life. A solid separation agreement with appropriate financial arrangements is essential. Yes, you may both have to manage finances differently. But it’ll be a chance to strengthen your inner resources, live independently, and still hold your head high.

Your children will adjust, so long as you don’t wallow in being a victim or try to divide their loyalties. You’re both still their parents.

I’d previously dealt with some relationship problems very badly. I was devastated by the loss of a whole network of friends due to my lack of awareness of social responsibility to this one friend.

I became so distraught that people called me fragile. Now I feel stuck with the stigma of being a basket case.

How can I make new friends when all I can think about is that no one will ever like me again?

I don't know how to relate to other people now because I fear I’ll be treated as a "bad" person who doesn’t know how to be a good friend.

It’s causing me problems socially and professionally. I don’t have much (any) personal confidence.

Stuck in Fragility

Boost your self-confidence, with a variety of pro-active approaches, so you don’t give up if one thing doesn’t go smoothly.

Start with re-charging your energy through physical activity and eating healthfully. Instead of focusing negatively on your inner turmoil, turn your mind to the outside elements of fresh air, walking, fitness activities, and nutrition.

Then join any community interest groups where there are new people to meet. Concentrate there on learning something new, enjoying the company of people of any ages, just having a good time.

The goal is NOT to test yourself as a “good” friend to someone you attach yourself to, but to be relaxed and natural among people that are doing something you and they can enjoy.

You’d benefit from going through a process of personal counselling to guide you through these and other steps to less inner judgment and more confidence among people socially and at work.

FEEDBACK Regarding the child that ran away from home (May 8):

Reader – “Our daughter ran away to live with her 20-year-old boyfriend. The police said there was nothing they, or we, could do because she was 16 and could move out if she wished.

“After three months she returned home when his money ran out.

“The police won’t get involved unless the child’s missing and no one knows where he/she is (such as when foul play is suspected or abduction).”

Ellie – That email to me said only this: “My child ran away from home.”

It read as a cry for help, possibly from the runaway personally.

As for parents’ response in such a terrifying event, I still believe that a call to Police is a place to start. They’ll at least help you think through the possibilities. (In your case, though agonizing, you knew where your daughter had gone).