I'm planning a wedding for next summer and there's already tension. My aunt's grandson was released from prison several months ago (assault with a deadly weapon and aggravated assault).

He's apparently trying to get his life together - but I don't want him at my wedding. At his parent's wedding five years ago he was stealing people's drinks and causing trouble. Also, some other relatives at the wedding would feel uncomfortable. My parents feel as I do about this.
When my mother suggested this to my aunt, she flipped out and became very angry, though I'll be inviting his parents - my aunt's son, his wife, and their younger son.

I'm also trying to keep the guest list small. But my aunt even threatened to not attend herself because her grandson wouldn't be invited. This hurts my mother who's been very close to her sister.

Am I being reasonable? Should I talk to my aunt?
Upset

There are two roads you can take, and you and your fiancé need to think them through.

1) It's a natural reaction to not want a potential troublemaker at your wedding. Many guests will agree that you shouldn't have such worries that day.

Yet there are usually other guests/relatives at weddings who might drink too much and/or be disruptive. (And the excuse of a "small list" doesn't work for just one person.)

2) Or, you could give this man, who's paid his debt to society, a chance to "normalize," which he's trying to do. It would show compassion and family support on a day that makes it even more significant.

You can enlist one or two people to watch your cousin and get help if he loses control. There are ways to prepare for this without being obvious. You can explain the backup plan to your aunt, as being for his sake as well as for avoiding an incident.

Reader's Commentary - "I'm tired of reading about all the poor maligned girlfriends and daughters-in-law who have suffered so greatly from their nasty, mean mothers-in-law. There is another side.

"Go to the websites where MIL's cry their hearts out - you'll find many sad stories of family lives ruined, love lost, and broken hearts of mothers-in-law!

"Many of them tried very hard to enhance their sons' family lives (financial assistance, good advice, care of grandchildren, trips, etc.) and were slapped down very hard by daughters-in-law who didn't have the manners or emotional maturity to deal with good intentions and generosity.

"These (mostly) kind traits are interpreted as meddlesome and interfering. They accept generosity, care, and advice from their own mothers but view the MIL as an alien - she, who has raised her own son with great love and care, and been involved to one degree or another during his entire life.

"All normal, loving mothers want to love their DIL's but are often pushed away because of insecurities, immaturities, and possessiveness. Establishing one's boundaries as a family is normal, but carrying it to excess is not. We're part of the family too - just like her mom and dad.

"Good mothers want their sons to be independent, have a happy home, and to be productive citizens in our society. Sons need to buck-up too - stand up strong for their family and its integration into their own family's life.
"I hope to see some discussion on this side of the story. It might do some good."

An MIL

My best friend and I got into a disagreement and she's deleted me off of everything because I said something she took the wrong way.

I want to tell her it was all a misunderstanding. But she's made up with the girl we've been fighting with these past months, so I'm scared she won't care, since she has someone else to hangout with.

Should I just find a new group to hang with, or tell her how I feel?

Teenage Trouble

Since you're smart enough to be open to advice, I believe you're also smart enough to learn from this experience. It's ALWAYS worthwhile to try to correct a misunderstanding, and apologize if you didn't make yourself clear, or for possibly offending the other person.

Even if that effort doesn't renew the friendship right away, it clears your own conscience, and also should clear any negative gossip about this.