I broke up with my boyfriend of two years because he confessed to having sex with someone he'd just met at a bar – after having dinner and sex with me earlier.

He admitted he'd been secretly coping with depression and anxiety for three years, which drove him to drink, until he blacked out several times, including that night.

He only confessed all one week later, after he displayed some STI-like symptoms. Luckily, we both tested fine, but the experience was devastating and traumatic.
Nearly a month later, I'm struggling to convince myself that ending the relationship is the only choice.

I feel that I can't trust someone who hid so much for so long. Still, we've been text messaging a couple of times to discuss how his recovery is going, as he's been given anti-anxiety medications and is considering seeing a therapist.
I feel that he was struggling with real issues and I failed to recognize the seriousness, and that he’s still a good person despite his actions. He was honest, thoughtful, selfless, and kind throughout our relationship. He helped me cope with my own minor anxieties.
Can there be any recovery from a situation like this, or should I cut all contact for good and retain my self-respect, lest he betray me again?
Torn

You’re on the brink of a slippery slope, if you mistakenly believe you owe him a continued relationship because of the fact he’s really a good person with serious issues.

That’s true about him, but wrong about your responsibility to him.

Hopefully, your keeping distant and NOT becoming part of his treatment plan, which will cause him to own responsibility for his behavior, without finding ways to excuse alcoholism, sex with a stranger, etc.

He should definitely be getting counselling along with his other treatment, as his depression and anxiety have roots, which he needs to explore.

You don’t have to be unkind, but you must maintain a distance from him and his recovery.

Have minimal contact, not in person for six months. If you want to get back together then, you may then consider joining his counselling process for better understanding and communication.

I’ve known this guy for four years, we dated for the last two years, but apparently he was dating this other girl for the past seven years (during the same time he was dating me).

His other girlfriend and I confronted him, and then I stopped speaking to him for three months. Then I called to say happy birthday.

From then on we’ve been getting close again. I still love him, and he admits that he loves me.

Recently, however, I saw the other girl and we had a brief chat. Suddenly, he’s ignoring my calls. I’m guessing it has to do with something she must’ve said to him.

I want to get over him, yet I want to be his friend. I want to ask why he’s ignoring me, but I don’t want to be a fool and keep bugging him.

Confused

Nothing confusing about the fact he played you for the full two years you dated, and has re-connected with his “other girlfriend” too.

Ask yourself why you’d love such an obvious cheater, and why you’d even believe his “love?”

He’s not your “friend.” He takes what he wants, doesn’t care how it affects you.

Move on. If you don’t, you’ll be hurt again, until you learn to want better for yourself.

Commentary - I always had a healthy body weight. I was fit, thin, and pretty. Several years ago, I was diagnosed with a thyroid condition (hashimotos) and gained 50-plus pounds though I haven’t changed my eating patterns.

I’m still an active swimmer and lifeguard, watch what I eat, and walk often, go biking, etc.

I cannot lose the weight so people assume that I’m just fat, eat badly, overeat, or that I’m a lazy couch potato.

I’m 24, so unhappy with my body weight that I push friends away and never attend parties or events - too depressed and sad about my body.

I’ve seen nutritionists, naturopaths, etc. and I cannot lose the weight. But what bothers me most is the assumptions of my friends and relatives.

I’m also on anti-depressants, which made me gain seven lbs. more. Not every overweight person is "just fat" or a poor eater leading a lazy life.

Ellie – Readers, do you have any suggestions?