I've been living with the family of my boyfriend of two years. But I don't get along with his brother, who’s very frustrating and disrespectful. He claims about me, "she doesn't want to provide for the family, then she isn't a part of it and needs to move out!" But I pay rent every month, buy groceries, I vacuum all the carpets, wash the dishes, etc.

I’ve yet to see him pick up a dish, or clean anything in the public areas.

I pay rent privately because I tried giving the money to his mother and it embarrassed her so I give it to my boyfriend to hand over.

The brother pays rent too, but you never see him pay for any food, he can't keep a job, and is always playing video games.

There’ve been some situations about me with the parents, like, why don't I drive or go to school, that any parent would care about. But I'm working and saving for my education.

My boyfriend doesn't stand up for me. Though he treats me with respect and cares for me, buys me little things, but when his family complains about me, he goes quiet.

I know he’s the type who can’t just put his foot down. Sometimes his brother has disrespected me and even been racist and my boyfriend did nothing. My boyfriend’s Asian and I'm White/Native.

I want him to move out with me, but his dad's got a gambling problem and my boyfriend’s the main provider. He also has no real life skills to make it on his own.

I don't know if it’s going to be worthwhile to hang on, and if anything will change about him growing up, or with the family dynamic.

If we’re going to start a family, his new family’s going to have to take priority over his old one.

Frustrated

I hear a roaring alarm! Planning a family before you’ve settled some of these issues is VERY worrisome. You’re living with disrespect and racism. It’ll get worse if you bring a child into this problem-riddled scene.

Your goal should be getting out of there on your own, only joined by your boyfriend if he can stand up for you around his family.

This current situation’s creating too many distracting scenarios if you want to get ahead, and also get back to school.

My close guy friend and I go out in groups, but are comfortable as just the two of us. I thought about something more initially, but he was seeing someone then.

We're both early-20’s; he has his own place, and rents out a room.

Recently, I’ve spent some nights there, but we've never been intimate, just cuddled. We're both affectionate and I've been single for a while.

I can't decide if it's because of this that I’ve developed a huge crush or just because he's convenient.

I’d broach the subject but don't want to risk losing a really good friend. He also recently got a new female roommate and he may be into her. She's now around when we're watching TV.

It leaves me feeling jealous.

Awkward and Risky

You could try tossing off a light-hearted, “Just when I started enjoying those cuddles, someone else moved onto your couch!”

If he likes her, he should say so then. Or he might ask you what you’re really trying to say. A close friendship doesn’t necessarily dissolve when someone raises the topic of “more.”

BUT, you have to be prepared to accept the answer, whatever.

Dear Readers – After a column appeared about barking dogs annoying the neighbours, several people wrote me describing a "a little invention that looks like a birdhouse," which emits a high-pitched sound only dogs can hear, and is apparently not harmful to adult humans or small children.

It trains the dog to stop barking rather than suffer the uncomfortable noise.

There followed a surge of emails asking me to name the product and where to buy it.

Since I don’t promote specific companies, I sent readers out to do their own research and one has delivered. They’ve found the item, using the above description, in their own local pet store.

It’s wise to ask your own questions at the pet store and determine for yourself whether the sound’s truly safe for other animals and all the humans around to hear repeatedly, until the dog stops barking, which seems to take several weeks’ time.