My wife and I used to be very good friends with a couple we met while on a cruise one year, who we then bumped into on a different cruise the following year. After that, we booked our trips together for several years until COVID.

We were together overseas in March of 2020, when COVID hit its international peak, and the world essentially went into lockdown. EVERYONE was scrambling to get a flight home, and the flights were becoming less available. This couple had friends also travelling at that time nearby. They were able to rent a private boat to ferry them to their friends, who then flew them home on a chartered plane.

They never told us what they were doing, rather, just disappeared from the hotel where we were staying together. I was shocked! To be stranded was one thing, but to not even inform us was simply another.

That was the end of the friendship for me. I never wanted to see them again. Two years later, when people started getting together outdoors, we were invited to a party that they also attended. They came rushing up to us with big hellos and hugs, but I wasn’t having it. My wife, on the other hand, was warm and friendly.

Over the past three years, my wife regularly sees the woman. But I don’t understand how she can even look them in the eye. It’s now our main source of argument.

Why can’t she see what I see?

Disloyal Frenemies

Your wife sounds as though she has a very kind and generous heart. Everyone who knows her must benefit from that. These friends may or may not recognize that what they did was purely selfish. You never mentioned an apology or even an explanation, so I think they’re clueless.

Your wife can move past it. Lucky her! And she chooses the friendship over harbouring resentment and holding a grudge. That’s her choice.

Your choice is to still be angry, disappointed and to cut ties. But that’s a reflection on you, not your wife or the ex-friends.

Let her enjoy her friendship with that other woman, just be clear that you aren’t interested in their friendship. Then figure out how to make it work that suits you both.

Enough years have passed for you to put this in a drawer. Meaning, you don’t have to be friends, forgive or even forget what they did. But don’t let it affect you anymore. Move past it.

Reader’s Commentary Regarding the mother whose depressed daughter blames her (Jan. 1):

“I volunteer for NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness (US-based). I was a leader of a Family Support Group, open to any person whose family member lives with a mental health diagnosis.

“A very common problem for people dealing with a loved one not really telling their therapist the whole truth, is that confidentiality means the therapist can’t/won’t speak to them. However, THEY can contact the therapist with voicemails, emails, even videos to show the true situation. The therapist may not respond, but they then have more information to help the patient, and thus, help the family going forward.

“A brother may plead complete innocence in family arguments, but a video of him throwing chairs and threatening his 80-year-old mother attests to the true situation. In my case, my daughter was obviously becoming suicidal, but lying to her doctor, so I texted him and told him of my fears, and he called her immediately.

“You have a right to speak to the therapist to add another side to the situation if it is warranted. It’s a hard situation to be in, and I hope the daughter finally can deal with her depression and recognizes her family’s love for her.”
Mother on the same journey!

FEEDBACK Regarding the fallen friend (Jan. 3):

Reader – “I’m all for friends helping friends, but the writer isn’t a close friend if she hasn’t been aware of Fallen Friend’s fifty-pound weight gain or the status of Fallen Friend’s children. In which case I would say that the weight gain is none of her business. Close friends will know what is going on in the couple’s life. The writer has asked some mutual friends who ‘danced around’ the subject, whatever that means. Maybe they didn’t choose to discuss it with her because it is none of her business.

“I obviously don’t have all the facts, but this writer gets MYOB from me.”

Lisi – I don’t disagree. I’m a curious and inquisitive person, and perhaps sometimes ask too many questions, but it’s only because I’m interested and genuinely care. Not for gossip’s sake.