My brother and his girlfriend don’t seem to care who is around when they’re together. They grab each other in sexual manners, say very lewd remarks to each other, and start kissing very sexually in front of everyone.

My wife and I have a toddler, and our sister has a preteen. She and I have discussed how inappropriate our brother and his girlfriend are, so we agree. We have tried calmly and without a big talk, to hint at his behaviour, but he either ignores us or just doesn’t get it.

Our brother is a bit of a wild child and the whole family is a little afraid of his reactions. No one wants to be the one who pushes him over the edge.

What do we do?

Sexy Sibling

There is safety in numbers, so I believe you and your sister need to talk to your brother together. Leave your parents and your partners out of it for now. Make sure that your discussion leaves no misunderstanding regarding your feelings towards your brother’s girlfriend. It’s not about her and you don’t want him to think it is.

Then explain how children, especially preteens but even toddlers, see everything. That all the actions of the adults have a direct effect on the children. And both you and your sister would be very appreciative if he could tone down his behaviour in front of your children.

My sister-in-law runs so hot and cold, I can’t keep up. I never know whether I’m in her good books or not. Our 10-year-old daughters are friends, so we not only have family things to discuss, but also, we’re constantly making plans for the two girls.

My brother and I are close, but my husband and he are not that close. I’ve discussed the issue with both my husband and my brother, and we three are all in a good place – but we don’t spend a lot of time together as couples. And my sister-in-law and I don’t spend time together alone as friends.

I know all that is normal, but I still can’t figure out why she’s sometimes super friendly, and sometimes super cold. How do I deal with this?

Sticky Situation

In a perfect world, everyone would get along with everyone in their family. But that’s rarely the case. Good for you and your brother for being able to maintain your closeness above and beyond your spouses. And you’re fortunate that your husband can manage that closeness, even though he doesn’t care for your brother that much.

As for your SIL, don’t let her get under your skin. Be friendly, be kind, be generous of spirit, and do whatever is necessary to help the girls maintain their close friendship. If your SIL is unfriendly one day, let it go. Don’t play into it. Just be yourself.

My son is very good friends with my brother. Obviously, I love the fact that both enjoy spending time together. But I’m worried that my brother’s children are jealous, and I’m also worried that my son likes my brother more than me, his own father.

Are these concerns legit? Or am I being overly sensitive?

Family Dynamics

Do you have any inkling that your nieces/nephews feel jealousy? Has your relationship with your son changed at all? Has your relationship with your brother changed?

It’s hard for me to say, not knowing any more information, but unless you have an idea that feelings have changed, then perhaps you’re just projecting. Speak to your wife. Get her input. If she doesn’t see it, then maybe your concerns are unnecessary. It doesn’t hurt though, to spend some extra time with your son.

FEEDBACK Regarding “Unseasoned” (Feb. 21):

Reader – “Although ‘Unseasoned’ may not have asked for advice beyond the psychological, I think she needs to speak with a lawyer, if she has not already done so. She needs to ensure that her assets are protected, and she doesn’t suddenly find herself with her husband having closed accounts or having not paid bills that he was responsible for paying.

“Also, I would go a step further than keeping connected with her loved ones and give her ideas of what to do in her home and encourage her to do some temporary volunteer work. Or perhaps there is a local language school where students come internationally for one to three months and need a temporary homestay.

“That way, she is doing something active, without committing herself, long-term, while she decides her next steps.”

Lisi – You are correct that she needs a lawyer.