I’m a teenage boy mom, and what they say is all true. They’re loving – when they want to be. They’re messy, they shed their clothes and their stuff from the front door through the house to the back, like a moulting snake. They eat everything in sight and then want dinner. They went from calling me Mommy to Mom to Bruh. Their rooms look like a cyclone hit. They burp and fart often, loudly and anywhere.

Until these past few years, I have enjoyed being a boy mom. We’ve been very active, had lots of laughs, spent all our time together. But now I find they talk to me less, not in a closed off way, just in a different way. They want to hang out with me less and spend more time with their friends.

I envy my friends with daughters. They watch shows together, shop together, go to movies together, go to the latest greatest hottest food shops together. My boys aren’t interested in any of that. I’m lonely now.

Is this the rest of my life?

Boy Mom

Everyone is different – from the way you mothered them to the type of people they are. One child may not ever be as close to you again; the other might pass through this adolescent stage quickly and come back to your close relationship. It’s impossible to predict.

In the meantime, take care of yourself. Do the things that make you happy. Fill your time so you’re not waiting around for them, then disappointed and bored when they don’t want to hang out.

You didn’t mention their father or a partner, but if you have one, spend more time together. A friend of mine told me that when her children entered high school, her mother told her this trick: make plans for yourself as though you’re dating your husband. Besides work, go to the gym or whatever self-care you do; make plans with friends; go to the movies, out for dinner, walks at night…. all of which can be altered if ever a child says, “Hey Mom, what are you doing tonight?”

I also strongly suggest a weekly activity/event, even something as simple as Sunday brunch, that is, for the most part, a non-negotiable. A chance to connect, talk about your week, discuss the week ahead. Teenagers can be introverted and sullen, but they still need their mommies.

My husband was very helpful in recovering all my messages when I was transferring my data from my old phone to my new phone. Except I didn’t ask him to retrieve those that had been deleted. I was unaware he did it, because he went behind my back. I was trying to get back into my old phone to make sure everything was OK before we factory reset it but discovered that he had changed my password.

He retrieved all the messages between my kids and myself. Messages in which we were venting about him as he created issues when he stayed home working and when he lost his job. He has a very high level of OCD, which makes it worse for all of us as he’s constantly creating issues.

My messages venting were always helping us to move on with the day – they were never meant to harm him. Now he is very angry and accused all of us of betraying and cheating on him. He has stopped talking to me and blocked me from messaging him, and he’s been bombarding me with insults and life quotes also asking for divorce.

What should I do?

Caught text-handed

You need to decide if you want to stay in this marriage. If no, then this is your out. If yes, then you MUST apologize profusely. As should your children. But I would also suggest a family therapy session, where you and your children can safely tell your husband what was so annoying about his behaviour, and you can all get tools to learn how to live with OCD, unemployment and impending retirement.

FEEDBACK Regarding the mom worried about her daughter’s clothing choices (Feb. 6):

Reader – “As the parent and grandparent of seven, I would say this: ‘Relax. This too shall pass.’ Kids need to flex their independence, and this is a much safer way to do it than many other means, for example, with drugs. It may take a while though.

“I live near a university and each winter, we watch as some of our supposedly best and brightest future citizens plod along in the zero weather and snow wearing shorts, light or no jackets and often sandals.”

FEEDBACK Regarding the too young couple (Feb.8):

Reader – “I met my husband when I was 25 and we were engaged 16 weeks later. We have been together for 40 years. I know I was slightly older but sometimes you just know.”

Lisi – That’s such a nice story! Thank you for sharing.