My wife and I recently made a new slightly younger female friend at work. She’s clearly more adventurous in bed than we are. We both enjoy having a bit of a laugh about sex while we work.

However, I’ve been unsure of where the relationship between the three of us is going. My wife and I have talked about including others. This woman has made suggestive comments towards us both.

I’ve kept an open dialogue with my wife about this and she’s as unsure as me.

Confused Couple

Be clear what you’re talking about: An open marriage in general, and the specific possibility of a threesome with a co-worker.

Unless you both agree on the limits of what you two can handle, things can get very confusing.

And you need to know what the other person expects.

Many open marriages have ended in divorce, if an emotional connection developed between one partner and a third party.

Common “rules” during an open period are: No sex alone with someone else in the marital home or bed, no relationship beyond sex, and honest sharing of whatever happens if one spouse has a “date” elsewhere.

In your case, it seems that a threesome (or added couple?) is allowed; “dating” separately isn’t yet being considered. But it can become the next step, so needs discussion.

However, involving a work-mate is very problematic. What’s now an office “laugh” between you three can become a nightmare, due to differing expectations, behaviour, and demands.

It goes beyond trying an “adventure,” and instead raises the possibility of jealousies, grudges, nasty gossip, losing your jobs, and breaking you two apart.

If you still want an open relationship, take it outside the place where you earn your living.

I read a text thread from my husband’s phone (I don’t usually check his phone) after a comment he’d made about his text conversation with a male buddy and mentioned an ex-co-worker/manager whom they remembered being really "Hot" (which sparked my curiosity).

The conversation mentioned how he (my husband) regretted not making a move on the "Hot" girl. He said she had the hottest body ever and that, if it was now, he’d be "*ucking" her – his exact words.

When I confronted him, he got really angry, yelled profanities, asked how could I be so insecure and inconsiderate and shouted for me to get out of his face!

I acknowledged that it was wrong to check his phone and apologized, but he wouldn't hear it. I felt he should’ve tried to reassure me that it was all guy talk, but instead he overreacted and became offensive.

I always considered him kind-hearted, and I respect him a lot as my husband and a good father. But I’ll definitely see him very differently now. I feel a little disgusted, betrayed, and lost some respect for him.

Am I being too sensitive and insecure? Were my actions going too overboard?

Betrayed by Text

His “guy talk” was crude, offensive, and disrespectful of you. But it was never meant for your eyes.

It was braggadocio, akin to the macho boasting of rap lyrics about sexual prowess. He never had sex with the hottie, but oh man, he would now.

A woman might say to a trusted girlfriend that she’d sleep with Brad Pitt if he asked… though there’s no chance of it happening.

Your guy was mortified at being caught like a schoolboy. He overreacted because he had no other defense.

You have no reason here to be insecure. And many good reasons to put this behind you both.

My son joined a very religious community. He and his wife are bound by its rules and prohibitions. They have three children. He works “outside” at his profession, but joins the study groups after dinner every night. They seem content.

I’m widowed, working, a modern grandmother. When I visit my “kids,” I have to stay home with my daughter-in-law or go out alone (of which everyone in their community disapproves), and keep my opinions to myself. It’s not easy. Should I try to influence my grandchildren that there’s “another” world?

The “Outsider” Grandma

Your relationship to grandchildren is important to you and to them. So long as you don’t witness or feel they’re being abused (despite any philosophical differences), the best you can do is provide love and interest.

Some may grow up to stay within this community, some may not. But trying to influence them too overtly may make you more of an “outsider,” with contact disallowed.